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Old 21 May 2018, 11:00 PM
GenYus234's Avatar
GenYus234 GenYus234 is offline
Join Date: 02 August 2005
Location: Mesa, AZ
Posts: 25,425

IANAT, but I don't believe that condemnation of your past or current self is conducive to a good mental attitude.
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Old 22 May 2018, 06:08 AM
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Esprise Me Esprise Me is offline
Join Date: 02 October 2005
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 6,670

Plurabelle, I'm so glad you're able to be honest with your mother and stepfather and, more importantly, yourself. I know it isn't an easy thing to say out loud that you're being abused and need help.

Before you say anything about divorce to your husband, I urge you to find some professional guidance in extricating yourself. I found this place by Googling; there might be other options:

You are in more danger once you decide to leave. You may need a restraining order; you may need to go to a DV shelter where he can't find you. For now, while you're recuperating, you probably want to at least keep a low profile. Does he have your passwords? Does he know you frequent this board? What about your bank accounts and credit cards; is there any way for you to pay for what you need without him being able to track you and interfere? What about your phone bill; can you make calls without him knowing? Does he have access to devices that are logged on to your Google account that will reveal your recent searches to him? You may need to think about covering your tracks while you're planning your exit. Again, that's where the pros come in.
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Old 22 May 2018, 06:16 PM
Ryda Wong, EBfCo. Ryda Wong, EBfCo. is offline
Join Date: 14 December 2005
Location: Denver, CO
Posts: 24,024

Thank you for updating us. I had been checking back to see if there was any new news. I am so glad that you are getting the support you need and that you are taking steps to get out of this horrible situation that is in no way your fault. Love and strength to you.
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Old 23 May 2018, 12:02 PM
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Avril Avril is offline
Join Date: 07 August 2002
Location: Princeton, NJ
Posts: 10,531

I'm not on here often but I want to say that A) I support you and B) although I have no degree in psychology, I too believe what is important when you feel you've made a mistake is to correct it and forgive your past self, not to continue to be horrified by what you've done and let that dictate how you view yourself.

Trauma does things to the brain that can explain why as well, and I hope your therapist will help you understand yourself as you break free.
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Old 23 May 2018, 03:30 PM
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Plurabelle Plurabelle is offline
Join Date: 29 September 2003
Location: Brussels, Belgium (home base: Ann Arbor, MI)
Posts: 1,025

You guys are really amazing, and I thank each and every one of you.
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Old 24 May 2018, 04:00 AM
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MichiganGirl MichiganGirl is offline
Join Date: 14 August 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 2,169

We are here for you for whatever you need. I know it's hard. Just take it one day at a time. Are you back in Ann Arbor?


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