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  #261  
Old 24 November 2018, 04:41 AM
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The problem, ASL, is that the valid criticisms of TLJ got seriously drowned out by people complaining about Rey being the protagonist and Rose not being white.
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  #262  
Old 24 November 2018, 05:15 AM
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I like TLJ, but even I’m willing to agree that it sucks that thanks to the whiny fanboys, it’s all but impossible to discuss it as an actual movie.
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  #263  
Old 24 November 2018, 06:32 PM
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In light of this understanding, and slightly more OT, I’ll confess that I finally saw Solo. It wasn’t as bad as TLJ, but it would have been better if it had just been about “some guy” not THE Han Solo.

His backstory was better when it was nebulous.
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  #264  
Old 24 November 2018, 10:48 PM
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Double post, but fully OT.

Just saw The Green Book. It hit all the right notes, but lacked intensity. I could see it getting an Oscar nod or two, but I’d be surprised (though not shocked) if it wins any. This is Oscar bait, it was passable, but it plays it too safe to really be memorable. While it has some moments, it’s not much fun either.
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  #265  
Old 25 November 2018, 01:09 PM
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Went with the family to see Fantastic Beasts 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald. What a hot mess of a movie. Too long by half, suffers badly from the "effects over storytelling" syndrome*, and there are several instances in which situations seem to be needlessly complicated by the protagonists, leading to impossibly contrived problems.

It picks up for a while in the last third, but it was a slog. I think that there's a decent story in there somewhere, but it got lost under all the style-over-substance and ponderous manufactured interpersonal drama.

Also, the title is a double-misnomer: the "Fantastic Beasts" are only thrown in as an afterthought, and we never see any of the "Crimes" that define Grindelwald as the big bad he is said to be. (There is a strongly implied off-screen killing of a toddler to establish him as a truly ruthless villain, but that seems shoehorned in). While he's certainly set up as a magical Hitler analogue, there's so much effort in the script to paint the higher-ups in Ministry of Magic as wrongheaded/corrupt that it lessens the impact of Grindelwald's menace.

I will say that my wife (who is the biggest HP fan in the family) liked the movie a lot more than I did.

*The director/effects team really like swirling billows. Swirling billows of smoke, swirling billows of blue fire, swirling billows of the tail of some vaguely Chinese dragon-looking thing (I didn't know a tail could billow until seeing this), swirling billows of what appear to be black silk that are for some reason apparently Grindelwald's signal to his followers...
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  #266  
Old 28 November 2018, 04:04 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ASL View Post
In light of this understanding, and slightly more OT, I’ll confess that I finally saw Solo. It wasn’t as bad as TLJ, but it would have been better if it had just been about “some guy” not THE Han Solo.

His backstory was better when it was nebulous.
I remember absolutely nothing about that movie, except Donald Glover’s portrayal of Lando Calrissian. He did such a damn good job of being raw charisma in human form that I honestly wonder if they didn’t secretly cast a time-traveling Billy Dee Williams. Every time that mothereffer smiled or said anything or existed, I fought the urge to utter so many cheesy pick-up lines, be all, “Have you seen my pants? Because you seem to have charmed me out of mine” or “If I say you have a nice body, would you hold it against mine?”

I don’t know if they’ve officially kiboshed any of these non-trilogy Star Wars films, but I remembered walking out of the theater feeling that it was a crime that they were going to make a movie about Boba Fett, a glorified bit player who the fanboys elevated to godhood, rather than the charismatic as hell Lando. Lando actually had a personality; Boba just looked cool in armor and was taken out by a blind guy with a stick, after which he was devoured by a massive sand vagina. I know the EU had all these stories about Fett escaping, but even then, he couldn’t seem to stay out of sand vaginas. Can’t help but wonder what Dr. Freud would say about this tendency of Boba’s to be done in by...

I saw Ralph Breaks The Internet. It’s a cute, charming little film, though those of you expecting it to be a deeper, more emotionally intense film that further fleshes out the characters’ world ala Toy Story 2, will be disappointed. It’s an enjoyable film, but it doesn’t do much more than the first one did. Then again, I spent the film hearing ”The Internet is for Porn” in my head. Yeah, they really had to tone things down, lest the film wind up with an NC-17. In fact if they accurately depicted the Internet, it would be so perverted that they would have to create a new rating just for that film.

Am a bit disappointed that we didn’t get more scenes with Calhoun and Felix, because they are just an adorably strange couple. I’d have loved to have seen more scenes of them parenting the drivers of Sugar Rush, even if I liked the gag at the end.

I also saw Creed II. It’s a good, well-crafted film, but I am kind of meh about it. It’s a quality product, but I just don’t have strong opinions for or against it. I do wonder if they are going to have Adonis face off against Clubber Lang’s kid. Hopefully they will come up with something a teensy bit more original, but I have no objections to having Mr. T on the big screen whatsoever.

In the age-old Internet debate of Chuck Norris vs. Mr. T, I have to side with T. You gotta love a guy who managed to become famous by being himself, which basically means in his case, being legally insane by any definition of the word. His crazy is the lovable kind, unlike Chuck Norris’s, who is of the bigoted WorldNetDaily variety. I will say that at least Norris does seem to be in on the joke, which makes him better than Steven Segal, but being better than Steven Segal isn’t really an accomplishment.
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  #267  
Old 28 November 2018, 12:05 PM
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Look Who's Back, on Netflix. That's the German movie about Hitler waking up in 2014. Funny and a little concerning; well worth watching. The Netflix version was subtitled.
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  #268  
Old 02 December 2018, 07:47 PM
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Z-O-M-B-I-E-S: We got a weird one here: Halloweentown High School Musical. Except that the Halloweentown High aspect is replaced by technically living zombies while the High School Musical part adds an extra layer of weird to the humans.
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  #269  
Old 03 December 2018, 02:46 AM
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Saw Nutcracker and the Four Realms. Luckily thanks to the numerous bad reviews, I didn’t have any high expectations regarding the movie. I figured, “Hey at least it’ll be pretty to look at.” Most bad movies have an internal logic they have to follow and the world is so much prettier on the silver screen than it is in reality. Because reality is the worst.

The movie is pretty much the very definition of “meh.” I feel nothing about this movie and really remember nothing.

Towards the end, Drosselmeyer gives the standard inspirational pablum to Clara about how her mother felt her greatest creation was her. It’s all nice and sweet until you remember the obvious: Clara is clearly established as a middle child with an older sister and a younger brother. So basically Clara’s mom is all, “You’re great, but I hope you understand that your siblings are concentrated evil in human form.” Seriously, her siblings should do all kinds of desecration to their mother’s grave.

The best parts were the ones with Misty Copeland dancing and after a while, I found myself wishing that they had just filmed the actual ballet, throwing in some added features to justify the cinematic experience. The Nutcracker is one of the best ballets to introduce a newbie to the genre and a movie ticket probably costs less than theater tickets, thus making it easier to bring the art form to the disadvantaged.

In general, we do a shitty job when it comes to teaching people about theater, opera, ballet, and classical music. People hear over and over about how it is important, but receive no education beyond that. Thus they wind up getting thrown into the deep end and find themselves absolutely baffled. If people have to decide whether they’re stupid or an art form is stupid, they’ll generally decide the art form is stupid. Most people probably don’t enjoy entertainment that constantly makes them feel stupid throughout the whole thing. The education doesn’t even have to be super-extensive; music theory thoroughly kicked my ass, but knowing about the Four Movement structure of symphonies (Fast-Slow-Dance-Fast) makes it a little easier to understand.

Regarding the actual movie, though....
[SPOILERS] Disney, the first few times you did the twist villain, where the seemingly kind and helpful character turns out to have been the villain all along, it was a neat twist. But since you have done this for nearly every kids movie you’ve released since 2012, it’s not a surprise anymore. It’s practically up there in “Rosebud was his sled,” in terms of twists. I only went to the trouble of putting tags around this out of common courtesy.
[/SPOILERS]
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  #270  
Old 03 December 2018, 09:07 AM
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Are you saying that Disney is in danger of turning into M Night Shyamalan?
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  #271  
Old 03 December 2018, 04:07 PM
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Bohemian Rhapsody.

I thought the script was fine, but I didn't care for the parts about his sort of kind of "wife" (I'm sure she was a big part of his life, I'm just not sure what she adds to the story except another 20-30 minutes and a female in the main cast). I also think the visuals were distracting. Not just the teeth, but the wigs and the wardrobe too. All in all, the people and their surroundings were too clean. It wasn't a "lived in" past.

Apart from that, I don't know what else to say was "wrong" with it, only that it din't quite connect with me on a dramatic level and was only saved by its music.

Kind of the exact opposite of Love & Mercy.
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  #272  
Old 06 December 2018, 03:37 AM
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Regarding Ralph Breaks, the parts with the Disney princesses were the best. I wished we could have gotten more of them and Vanellope hanging out, binging on junk food, and being all fabulously cute and girly. The gratitude the princesses had when Vanellope got them sweats to wear and when they demonstrated their powers...I would be totally onboard if Disney decided to make an Avengers-style film with their princesses.
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  #273  
Old 06 December 2018, 06:06 PM
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That needs to be a real movie.
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  #274  
Old 06 December 2018, 07:06 PM
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Saw Robin Hood 2018. That's 2 hours of my life I'll never get back. My oldest was LIVID over the historical inaccuracies. Granted, there is no definitive time for when Robin Hood lived, but it sure as heck was well before we had modern iron smelting techniques. And I'm pretty sure that they didn't have multi-shot semi-automatic crossbows that could shoot through stone pillars back then.

Between all of my family, we decided that someone took Zoro and The Hunger Games, put them in a bag, shook it up, drank it, then vomited something on the screen and called it "Robin Hood".

My son saw that the critics on Rotten Tomatoes gave it 15%, and he thought that was too high. I think he lost all faith in humanity when the general populous gave it 47%.
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  #275  
Old 06 December 2018, 07:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Winston O'Boogie View Post
I think he lost all faith in humanity when the general populous gave it 47%.
It might restore a smidgen of faith if one where to realize that this would be a highly self-selected group. I.E. Almost nobody who was not somehow looking forward to see a movie like that (I never even heard of it before your post) goes about seeing it. So it would be more accurate to say that just under 1/2 of the people -- who actually heard of it and wanted to see the movie and was than actually motivated enough to go online and post a rating at Rotten Tomatoes -- liked it.
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  #276  
Old 06 December 2018, 08:59 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Winston O'Boogie View Post
I'm pretty sure that they didn't have multi-shot semi-automatic crossbows that could shoot through stone pillars back then.
I don't know about the stone pillars part, but semi-automatic crossbows are surprisingly old. Just ask the Mythbusters.

The Robin Hood stories were never meant to be historically accurate, and your eldest is unlikely to ever find a version that is.

Seaboe
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  #277  
Old 06 December 2018, 10:27 PM
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Actually, the date for the traditional Robin Hood stories is rather precise -- the time of King John, who reigned from 1199-1216. Or possibly just before that, since I believe he's generally referred to as "Prince John."

Among other problems, the longbow, which is almost invariably used in depictions of Robin Hood, was not known at the time, at least in England.
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  #278  
Old 06 December 2018, 10:49 PM
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That’s how it begins. Some big-name movie producer befriends an English Lit professor. They go out for drinks, the prof has one too many, and he next thing you know they’re rambling on about how historically inaccurate the common narrative is on various legendary heroes like King Arthur and Robin Hood. On the strength of this, the producer decides to make a movie with the Knights of the Round table riding steam-powered chariots through the Chunnel to take on Mordred and his evil nazi henchmen. People balk, and the producer claims it’s justified because the stories were always historically inaccurate. Just look at the full armor plates they had them wearing in Excalibur!

It’s kind of like how we learned bumblebees couldn’t fly.
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  #279  
Old 06 December 2018, 10:53 PM
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We can be more specific than that, at least for the stories that involve the capture and ransom of King Richard the Lionheart. Longchamp was driven out in late 1191, and Richard was freed from captivity in February of 1194.

But it's all folklore, and the tales have changed substantially over the years. That is the time period I will always associate with Robin Hood, as the Errol Flynn version is my favorite. But there are older versions that would put the king as Edward (I would assume Longshanks). Those tales also wouldn't generally have him as a partisan for the true king.

ETA - ASL, now we have Drunk History to provide them with pretty much all of the ammo necessary to mess with any story they want. Funny show, and usually gets the basics right, but it's still people rambling on while drunk.
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  #280  
Old 07 December 2018, 01:25 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crocoduck_hunter View Post
That needs to be a real movie.
It’d be like Avengers Grimm except that it wouldn’t suck.
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