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  #1  
Old 13 December 2013, 01:25 AM
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Icon06 Affair/divorce for Christmas

A couple of months ago, my then wife (who some of you may remember from when she used to post here) starting becoming more and more withdrawn and lethargic. I repeatedly asked her to go to the doctor to get meds for depression but she wouldn't go. After a few weeks, she came home one night and sat in bed nearly catatonic. She had she had something she wanted to talk about, but it wasn't the night for it.

The next day, I checked in on her via text and phone from work and she said she might be ready to talk, but that I shouldn't worry about her, that she wasn't depressed, but just had a lot on her mind. This was understandable, as her mom is quite ill with ALS and this is probably her last Holiday Season. I brought home wine and flowers, which she thanked me for before telling me that she just plain did not love me anymore. She said there was no one else, but complained that I was overly dependent on her, had too few friends, and spent too much time at home rather than going out with guys or pursuing my own interests independent of her. She started sleeping on the couch and saying she was thinking about leaving, but didn't want to be pressured into a decision. She agreed to marital counseling and I worked on getting that set up.

A few days later, she had a late gig with her band and texted that she would crash at a band mate's (and long-time mutual friend) place and go to church with him in the morning, since they both played on the same worship team and his house was much closer to the church. The time for church to be over came and went and the kids were starting to get upset. When I called her, she sounded really annoyed, but she said she would come home and talk to the kids.

When she finally came home and I asked how church was, she said it was bad, and then confessed that she had not been to church because she and the bandmate were kicked off the worship team after confessing that they planned to leave their respective spouses for one another. When she stayed at his house the night before, he had already told his wife and she had taken the kids and moved out.

By the end of the day Sunday, she was gone. She didn't ask for anything except her instruments and clothes, either directly then or in the ensuing divorce, but the bank accounts were overdrawn, the utilities were behind to the point of being shutoff, and homeowner's insurance had canceled on us for failure to make repairs that I didn't know were required. She admitted to adultery in court documents and the signed a property agreement and parenting plan without intervention from a lawyer or a judge. I have the house, custody of the kids and a very empty-feeling bed. She has a new boyfriend who she hopes to marry after his divorce goes through in a few weeks.

All this after there was an article in Christianity Today featuring us as a mixed faith couple that got along fine and were very much in love. We had a professional photo-shoot and everything for it in February, but by the time it actually got published, she had fallen for her bandmate it totally broke her; she could simply not stand having feelings for someone else with something that was, in her words "so big and so public." So I'm the dad of four very emotional children with Christmas right around the corner. I keep thinking she'll snap out of whatever is going on and come home, but it really doesn't look like she wants anything to do with her "old life."
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Old 13 December 2013, 01:31 AM
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I'm so sorry, Elwood.
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Old 13 December 2013, 01:32 AM
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Jeepers.

I wish there was something I could say other than, stay strong.

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Old 13 December 2013, 01:56 AM
Nick Theodorakis Nick Theodorakis is offline
 
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I'm so sorry.
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Old 13 December 2013, 02:15 AM
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I'm sorry to hear that, Elwood. Are there friends that you can call on to help support you though this? You can't help feeling lonely, but you don't have to be alone.
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Old 13 December 2013, 02:22 AM
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Yes, I'm in therapy and my overall support from family and friends (and my ex's friends) has been great.
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Old 13 December 2013, 02:55 AM
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I'm so sorry.
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Old 13 December 2013, 03:40 AM
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I'm so very sorry Elwood.
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Old 13 December 2013, 04:01 AM
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Dang. That's awful. Wishing you hope for the future.
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Old 13 December 2013, 04:13 AM
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That sucks Elwood, I'm sorry to hear that.
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  #11  
Old 13 December 2013, 04:22 AM
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ganzfeld ganzfeld is offline
 
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Sorry to hear about that, Elwood. Please try to take care of yourself during this time. That's the key to taking care of the kids and getting through the hard parts.
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Old 13 December 2013, 12:51 PM
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I'm sorry. Elwood.
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Old 13 December 2013, 02:07 PM
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I am so sorry to hear this. It really sounds awful.
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Old 13 December 2013, 03:00 PM
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I'm sorry to hear that, Elwood. Stay strong!
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Old 13 December 2013, 03:24 PM
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I'm so sorry, Elwood. Take care of the kids and yourself.
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Old 13 December 2013, 03:32 PM
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I'm so sorry. That really sucks. I'm glad you have a good support system and are getting help for you, though.
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Old 13 December 2013, 03:32 PM
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Man, Elwood. You have my deepest sympathies.
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  #18  
Old 13 December 2013, 03:53 PM
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Be strong adn support your kids -- they will make it worth it every day ---
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Old 13 December 2013, 04:03 PM
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Oh dear. I'm so sorry Elwood.
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  #20  
Old 13 December 2013, 04:21 PM
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I'm sorry about this. We are FB friends but not IRL friends so I was aware of some of this thru FB. My heart is aching for you and your children.

This truly sucks any time but especially with holidays around the corner. If it helps even in a small way, please know you are being thought of with kind, encouraging thoughts by people who care about you.
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