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  #1  
Old 14 August 2013, 04:18 AM
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Sylvanz Sylvanz is offline
 
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No My DD's insane house "guest"

If y'all get through this thank you. It will be long and frustrating. I've already dropped much of this in PM with a friend here. I, feel the need to shout my frustration louder and farther afield.

DD and DSIL have their own nice home. They have my adorable 14 month old grand daughter, and my equally adorable step-grandson. They also have another boy, Finnegan, coming in Oct. I love my DD dearly and I love DSIL like a son. However, they have recently demonstrated the definition of insanity. They've done the same thing again and expected a different result. They've moved his worthless sister in with them "temporarily". It didn't take her more than 2 days to move in her latest in an uncountable string of boyfriends in with her (at least they like this guy). Of course while this bf is at work she had a "friend" come over (an ex that present bf is jeoulous of) "to move heavy stuff" upstairs in the bedroom so if DD heard a lot of noise that's what it was.

This girl has had her children permanently removed from her custody because of her disgusting neglect of them. This all happened while DD and DSIL were living in the apartment with her. The only reason we didn't call DHS then was we couldn't put DSIL's custody of his son in jeopardy. They got out of that asap, and a few months later she lost her kids. Their mom is adopting them.

So after all this, this person has the unmitigated gall to tell my DD how she should raise her own children (yes DD's over protective and controlling she's working on it) and tell DSIL that DD leaves her step son shut in one room all day and won't let him do anything. Funny, this person used to lock her two kids ages 2 and 4 in a room all day long while she slept and duct taped them in their diapers because they would wipe NFBSK all over the walls, floors, each other. It made me ill to hear about it. This flake is also angry because they won't let her watch their kids. Yeah, like they want to lose custody of their kids for letting someone like her watch them.

They are supposed to be giving DD etc. 100.00 every other week. Suddenly this week they can't. Funny they can afford expensive weed (they are absolutely forbidden to smoke in the house) DSIL has always been intimidated by this nut case so he tunes out while the .... makes DD's life torture. She also tries to get SIL alone so she can borrow money or tell him nasty things about DD. He doesn't believe her, but she tries.

She is now telling them that she has some sort of cancer. That a nurse called her and told her this over the phone. She also insists that she is calling the doctor twice a day to discuss this stuff. I call NFBSK.

Mean while I've been on "vacation" of the 8 days I've taken I've had one day when they weren't hiding out here for part or all of the day. We offered one day 'cause DD was totally stressed and needed the break. However, my job is physical, I've got bruises, injuries, and I'm tired. I've had the baby so much lately that I'm slipping up when I talk to her and saying mommy I mean grandma has to change your diaper or what ever. It's exhausting. I'd totally forgotten how hard it is, and I was a lot younger then.

They need to grow up and deal with this, but I don't know how to make them. DD is in no condition to be under this sort of stress and aggravation. She's afraid her mother in law will hate her if they throws this, ...... I can't even say what I want to call her, out. DD asked to come over Friday again and I told her no. It's my last day of vacation. I feel like a complete b*tch and will probably cave anyway. I'm already making them dinner that night. I really just want to cry.
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  #2  
Old 14 August 2013, 10:31 AM
Barbara
 
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Originally Posted by Sylvanz View Post
I feel like a complete b*tch and will probably cave anyway. I'm already making them dinner that night. I really just want to cry.
Just my two cents, but if you expect DD and DSIL to quit enabling DSIL's sister, you have to stop enabling them. According to what you said, you've been letting them hide out from her at your place. Quit doing that, and maybe they'll get so fed up with their poor choice to do something about it.
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  #3  
Old 14 August 2013, 12:33 PM
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Lainie Lainie is offline
 
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They should check the law in their state -- since they've allowed her to move in, they may be legally required to follow the eviction process to get her out.
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Old 14 August 2013, 02:12 PM
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Avril Avril is offline
 
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Yes--it looks like she isn't a guest, but a boarder, if she's/they're paying rent.
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  #5  
Old 14 August 2013, 02:16 PM
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Why would the MIL be mad at your daughter? Is she the one adopting the children? If so surely she must realize what a mess her kid is! Sounds like she expects her son to take on the chore of dealing with someone she doesn't want to deal with herself! Anyway I think I'd still risk MIL being mad and show that user the door if it were me. But then I'm not 7 months pregnant and in my 20s -- being tough is a lot easier for me now than it was for me then.
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  #6  
Old 14 August 2013, 02:22 PM
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Seaboe Muffinchucker Seaboe Muffinchucker is offline
 
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I'm with Barbara, Sylvanz. So long as you help them avoid the problem, they will continue to avoid it.

Seaboe
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  #7  
Old 14 August 2013, 02:23 PM
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Lainie Lainie is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Avril View Post
Yes--it looks like she isn't a guest, but a boarder, if she's/they're paying rent.
A friend of mine ran into this problem when she let a friend stay with her for free.

IIRC, the eviction laws applied because of how long the friend had been there. So I'd recommend Sylvanz's DSIL take action quickly.
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Old 14 August 2013, 02:26 PM
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That's a good point, Lainie. The longer they are there the harder it will be to get them out. And does your daughter really want them around when she's bringing home the new baby?
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  #9  
Old 14 August 2013, 03:36 PM
Bill Bill is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Lainie View Post
They should check the law in their state -- since they've allowed her to move in, they may be legally required to follow the eviction process to get her out.
Another one agreeing with this.

I've seen it happen. Someone in my town took in someone who had no place to live. When her situation changes and he told her to leave, he had to take her to court to get her evicted.

Thanks.

Bill
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  #10  
Old 14 August 2013, 03:41 PM
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Lainie Lainie is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Sylvanz View Post
DD asked to come over Friday again and I told her no. It's my last day of vacation. I feel like a complete b*tch and will probably cave anyway. I'm already making them dinner that night. I really just want to cry.
I'd suggest your daughter spend Friday at the library figuring out the legal situation.
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  #11  
Old 14 August 2013, 03:58 PM
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Sylvanz Sylvanz is offline
 
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Yeah, I'm aware of this stuff eviction etc. I hope the thing isn't. And Barbara, I know that at least DD is hiding here. It sucks because she has issues that she was getting control of and feeling like their place was "home". She admitted to me just before this stuff started that it was finally feeling like "home" to her. It's easier for DSIL because he is working all the hours he can get to get their bills caught up. So he gets home in time to eat, play with the kids, get them to bed, and go to sleep. She's stuck there all day with the loon.

I told her to pile their stuff on the curb and lock the doors, but as Sue stated above that's easy for me to say.

Oh yeah, the MIL is the one adopting the kids. She's been illegally letting thing see the kids occasionally. I hope she doesn't get caught because that would stop the adoption, and these little boys are just starting to do pretty well. Let me state that MIL never allows thing to be alone or watch the kids. I really don't think MIL would hate DD, but it's part of DD's anxiety and MIL is a sort of intimidating person. I really don't think she means to be. FIL, on the other hand, reacted the same way I did when they told me: Are you stupid or what?!!??
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Old 14 August 2013, 04:04 PM
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Is your daughter allowing "thing" to be around her own kids? I'd be plenty worried if that's the case. Is your SIL afraid of his sister or just the type who doesn't like confrontation?
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  #13  
Old 14 August 2013, 04:19 PM
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Lainie Lainie is offline
 
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In the interest of long-term family peace, it might be best for DD to give MIL a heads-up that Miss Thing is about to be booted. Given your daughter's anxiety issues, if I were you, I'd consider offering to be with her for that conversation to offer support (but not to do it for her) -- and assuming that her husband can't do it.

ETA: I take that back -- she and her husband have to present a united front.

I hope this gets better soon. It sucks that you spent your vacation that way. And it's hard to walk that line between supporting someone and enabling them.

Last edited by Lainie; 14 August 2013 at 04:30 PM.
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  #14  
Old 14 August 2013, 05:48 PM
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Sylvanz Sylvanz is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Lainie View Post
In the interest of long-term family peace, it might be best for DD to give MIL a heads-up that Miss Thing is about to be booted. Given your daughter's anxiety issues, if I were you, I'd consider offering to be with her for that conversation to offer support (but not to do it for her) -- and assuming that her husband can't do it.

ETA: I take that back -- she and her husband have to present a united front.

I hope this gets better soon. It sucks that you spent your vacation that way. And it's hard to walk that line between supporting someone and enabling them.
Thanks. It has sucked majorly. I would very happily be with them when telling MIL if I could get them that far. Yeah, I couldn't afford to go anywhere so I just wanted to do some deep cleaning and puttering. I'm too tired most days to care about everyday stuff.

Sue She is not allowed around the kids unsupervised. Believe it or not it's the thing that set the loon off with screaming and drama in the first place. SIL is both non-confrontational for the most part, and he is intimidated by this sister. She is very small in stature and very skinny, but she has a way of manipulating him that I don't quite get. Every time she opens her mouth all I hear is "Bulls*it, bulls*it, bulls*it. Seriously, this girl is such a phony and so full of it, it just ooozes out of her.
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  #15  
Old 14 August 2013, 05:57 PM
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Lainie Lainie is offline
 
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Originally Posted by Sylvanz View Post
SIL is both non-confrontational for the most part, and he is intimidated by this sister. She is very small in stature and very skinny, but she has a way of manipulating him that I don't quite get.
Sibling history. She knows which buttons to push.
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