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Old 30 December 2014, 02:43 PM
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Tsk, Tsk Resident Shoots Masturbating Burglar Breaking Into Pennsylvania Apartment

A burglar who authorities said masturbated on a woman's deck and then stole her dog was shot when he broke into a second Bucks County apartment, according to investigators.

http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/...286982771.html
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Old 30 December 2014, 07:45 PM
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I am shocked - shocked I tell you - that no one has come up with anything to say about this incident.

Oh, did you also notice that the perpetrator is a jockey who was a rising star in the field - a giant in the field (well, I guess that's not a good thing for a jockey).
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Old 30 December 2014, 08:23 PM
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Quote:
Suarez Medero, however, will face burglary, assault and related offenses once he is well enough to be charged.
Yeah, but he's sure to get off.

Better?
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Old 30 December 2014, 08:32 PM
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I guess she got away because she saw him coming.
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Old 30 December 2014, 09:21 PM
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Whew! Turtle goes splodey if such a ripe target for jokes doesn't go anywhere.
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Old 30 December 2014, 09:53 PM
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The headline had be picturing some dude wanking while picking a lock. I was about to say, that's talent!
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Old 31 December 2014, 12:19 AM
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You have to trust that people will rise to the occasion.
Ryda, that's exactly what I thought.
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Old 31 December 2014, 12:42 AM
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I initially misread the headline and thought it was about a masturbating badger.
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Old 31 December 2014, 02:46 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo. View Post
The headline had be picturing some dude wanking while picking a lock. I was about to say, that's talent!
It is certainly the sort of headline that makes you go 'wait, what!?' Even in reading the course of events, one has to wonder, since late December weather in eastern Pennsylvania is more conducive to writing in the snow than walking, if a guy decides he needs to give his equipment some fresh air. Given that the burglar is a jockey, I have to wonder if he has been getting into the veterinary drugs at the stables to be engaging in such bizarre behavior.

ETS - checked another article - the guy's friends suspect drugs as well. And he is in pretty bad shape, in an induced coma with liver and pancreas damage

http://www.buckscountycouriertimes.c...6a6ec0cb0.html
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Old 31 December 2014, 02:35 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo. View Post
The headline had be picturing some dude wanking while picking a lock. I was about to say, that's talent!
Yeah, I was thinking that'd be impressive multitasking!
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  #11  
Old 31 December 2014, 03:39 PM
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I rather suspect that the climax to this event was more than he had bargained for.
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Old 31 December 2014, 03:47 PM
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I am with everyone who was impressed that he could manage breaking in one handed.
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Old 31 December 2014, 06:02 PM
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That's one hardened criminal.
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Old 31 December 2014, 08:37 PM
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Could do with a stiff sentence, but all he'll get is a slap on the wrist.

Wonder if the second homeowner can claim he shot first?
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Old 31 December 2014, 08:44 PM
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I could make a Home Alone 1 & 2 reference, but in this case you really don't want to think about the bandit as being either wet or sticky...
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  #16  
Old 31 December 2014, 08:55 PM
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Quote:
"I stood there for like ten seconds and I tried to get them to come with me but they wouldn't. Then I got out of there."
Phrasing!!!
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