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  #41  
Old 11 December 2018, 11:48 AM
Jusenkyo no Pikachu Jusenkyo no Pikachu is offline
 
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All of these are from the aforementioned Twitter account

How does a moon get a hair cut?
giant space scisors

docter,docter I think im a butt
ok then

toc toc
who is
is my
is your?
is my house go away

how did ellenda generrous get that name? because SHE IS SO GENERROUS!
(Ellenda Generrous—or, well, Ellen DeGeneres—was tagged in the replies)

Mommy, Mommy! What’s a vampire?
Shut up and eat your soup
Mommy, Mommy! I don’t like tomato soup!
Shut up, we only have it once a month
(A kid sent this. Who the HELL is this kid spending time around?)

NOCK NOCK ;
HOSE THERE
IT IS ME
IT IS WHO NOW
IT ME
WHAT
WHAT AM I HERE FOR
EMM I FORGOT
WELL GO AWAY BECAUSE IAM GOING TO THE SHOP
CAN I COME
NO
I WILL BE NOT ANOYING
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  #42  
Old 12 December 2018, 11:40 AM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Icon19

An elderly man was finally rescued from an island where'd he'd lived for several years. The ship's doctor was surprised to find the man in good health--both physical and mental.
Doctor: the crew reported that there are not many food sources on the island--what did you eat all these years?
Patient: there is a herd of wild cattle, so I would slaughter one when needed; I always had a steady supply of beef.
Doctor: I see. There is also no fresh water supply--what did you drink?
Patient: There is no water supply, but there is some wild rice growing on the island, so I would harvest some and make wine.
Doctor: I see. Your mental health is remarkable. How did you keep yourself from going crazy?
Patient: Doctor, don't you know that cow and sake makes the good times roll?

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  #43  
Old 12 December 2018, 11:48 AM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Rabbit What

A mystic and his driver were traveling down a country road when a rabbit dashes out in front of them. The driver tried to stop, but could not. When the two got out of the car to see if anything could be done, they found that the rabbit had been fatally struck. The driver felt bad about it and was about to go get a shovel from the trunk when the mystic told him to wait. The mystic bent over the rabbit, withdrew a vial of liquid from his coat and sprinkled it on the rabbit while saying something. The mystic then sprinkled another vial of liquid on the rabbit and said something else. Suddenly there was movement and rabbit jumped up, perfectly healed! He noticed the two men, waved and hopped off. The rabbit then stopped, waved at the men, hopped off, then stopped again, waved and hopped off, and so on until he disappeared over the horizon.
As the men resumed their trip, the driver turned to the mystic and said, "that was amazing! What did you give that rabbit?"
The mystic replied (wait for it): "Hare restorer with permanent wave."
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  #44  
Old 12 December 2018, 01:15 PM
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GenYus234 GenYus234 is online now
 
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Q: How do you display the cremated remains of a bar owner?
A: In a Tav urn.
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  #45  
Old 12 December 2018, 01:50 PM
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4 engineers are driving in a car when it mysteriously stops.

The first one says "I'm a process engineer, I can fix this"
He reviews all the steps they took to get where they were but can find nothing wrong.
The car does not start.

The second one says "I'm an electrical engineer, I can fix this!"
He inspects all of the car's electrical systems, spark plugs, wiring, and finds nothing wrong.
The car does not start

The third one says "I'm a mechanical engineer, I can fix this"
He tears the car down, and rebuilds it piece by piece and finds nothing wrong.
The car does not start.

The fourth engineer says "Let me try"
He rolls up the driver's side window, and rolls it back down, tries the ignition; nothing.
He rolls up the passenger's side window and rolls it back down, tries the ignition; the car starts!

As they all get into the car, the other 3 engineers ask wonderingly "what kind of engineer are you that could figure out the problem when we couldn't?"

The fourth replies "I'm a Microsoft engineer!"
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  #46  
Old 12 December 2018, 02:34 PM
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Three statisticians are out hunting in the woods when they see a deer. The first one takes a shot and misses ten feet to the left. The second one takes a shot and misses ten feet to the right. The third one jumps up and down shouting "we got him!"
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  #47  
Old 16 December 2018, 02:03 AM
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What do you call a group of World Class Russian Chess players sitting in a large, open lobby of a hotel, bragging about their successes?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

~Psihala
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  #48  
Old 16 December 2018, 05:42 AM
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Why are they Russian?
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  #49  
Old 16 December 2018, 11:43 AM
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*shrugs*

I didn't make it up.

~Psihala
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  #50  
Old 17 December 2018, 11:46 AM
Kermor Kermor is offline
 
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France

One for our British friends :

What is Basil Brush's favourite channel ?

Fox News, of course !
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  #51  
Old 17 December 2018, 12:47 PM
Jusenkyo no Pikachu Jusenkyo no Pikachu is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Kermor View Post
One for our British friends :

What is Basil Brush's favourite channel ?

Fox News, of course !
Ah ha ha ha boom boom!

One from the kids jokes thingy now:

why did the half hedghog and half onion cross the road right away.
i dont no.
because it was emergency
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  #52  
Old 17 December 2018, 07:16 PM
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Dr. Winston O'Boogie Dr. Winston O'Boogie is offline
 
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What do you get if you cross an elephant with a rhinoceros?
Elephino. (works much better if you speak it).



3 drums and a symbol fell off of a cliff. Ba-dum-bum Chish!
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  #53  
Old 20 December 2018, 03:04 PM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Throw Tomato

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!
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  #54  
Old 20 December 2018, 05:43 PM
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How do you know when your arguments are paper thin?

They're tearable!


~Psihala
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  #55  
Old 20 December 2018, 07:09 PM
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Two chemists walk into a bar. The first one says "I'll have a glass of H2O."

The second one says "I'll have a glass of H2O too."

The second guy died.
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  #56  
Old 20 December 2018, 08:31 PM
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Two atoms were talking. The first on says, "I lost an electron."
The second one asks, "Are you sure?"
The first one replies, "I'm positive."

Two maggots were fighting in dead Earnest.
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  #57  
Old 03 January 2019, 06:44 PM
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Neener, Neener

What did the buffalo say when his son left for college?

Bison!

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  #58  
Old 03 January 2019, 08:22 PM
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How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He drank coffee before it was cool.
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  #59  
Old 03 January 2019, 08:40 PM
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That one's too good for this thread.
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  #60  
Old 04 January 2019, 01:19 PM
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Crushing pop cans is SODA-pressing

Eating a vegetarian meal is a missed-steak

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