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  #1  
Old 29 March 2018, 03:37 PM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Ponder I need a second opinion on a comma question

Hey all, I'm working on a brochure;I've made several drafts where I've been playing around with the color(s) and stock photo on the front, but now the following paragraph needs a comma or not: (in the original there is no comma--I added the one after steps)

This new and improved procedure is easy to follow and requires a few steps, but provides more accountability and accuracy!

OR

This new and improved procedure is easy to follow and requires a few steps but provides more accountability and accuracy! This is the original.

I'll be showing to a co-worker later on today or Monday.
Thanks.
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  #2  
Old 29 March 2018, 04:13 PM
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Sylvanz Sylvanz is offline
 
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No comma. The second clause is not a complete sentence. I'm rusty, but I think I'm crrect.
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  #3  
Old 29 March 2018, 04:13 PM
Ellestar Ellestar is offline
 
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Just to be a pill, my recommendation is rewording and adding the comma, "This new and improved procedure requires a few steps, but is easy to follow and provides more accountability and accuracy!

ETA: I may be wrong about adding the comma. I'm kind of comma-crazy.
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  #4  
Old 29 March 2018, 04:16 PM
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Ooh I like that Ellstar! Gets rid of the passive voice too!

Sylvanz--crrect?!
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  #5  
Old 29 March 2018, 04:22 PM
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Sylvanz Sylvanz is offline
 
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That would make the comma appropriate. However, either way would be correct. Making the second clause a complete sentence in order to use the comma would be a style choice. Then there is always the semicolon.
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  #6  
Old 29 March 2018, 04:25 PM
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Sylvanz Sylvanz is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnStorm View Post
Ooh I like that Ellstar! Gets rid of the passive voice too!

Sylvanz--crrect?!
Bleh...I eddited. You caught me before I fixed it.
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  #7  
Old 29 March 2018, 05:47 PM
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The procedure is either new or it is improved, it can't be both!

[/pointless and possibly incorrect rant]
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  #8  
Old 29 March 2018, 06:50 PM
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Personally, I'd ditch the exclamation point.

To me it comes across as carrying the sort of fake-cheerful false excitement that also often goes with condescension; and/or implies a strong suspicion that the new procedure is not an improvement after all, but just a batch of extra steps being required to no good purpose.

(To clarify: I know nothing about whether whatever you're writing about is an improvement over the previous procedure, and quite possibly it is. But when people start describing things like that with exclamation points, I start reflexively backing up several steps. Others may have the same reaction.)
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  #9  
Old 29 March 2018, 06:52 PM
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Hans Off Hans Off is offline
 
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No offence, but I don’t like the “but”.

This new procedure provides more accountability and accuracy, is easy to follow and requires few steps.
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  #10  
Old 29 March 2018, 07:24 PM
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Darth Credence Darth Credence is offline
 
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If the only two choices are the ones listed, absolutely with a comma. Commas do not necessarily set off complete clauses. If everything is open, I think Ellestar has it.
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  #11  
Old 29 March 2018, 07:45 PM
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This new procedure provides more accountability and accuracy, and it is easy to follow and requires few steps.
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  #12  
Old 29 March 2018, 09:22 PM
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Quote:
This new and improved procedure is easy to follow and requires a few steps, but provides more accountability and accuracy!
Bloody moron could work this out eventually, but if they f*** up, we'll get 'em! ,,,,,,comma crazy too,,,,,
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  #13  
Old 29 March 2018, 09:41 PM
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SatansHobbit, you must be a professional copywriter.
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  #14  
Old 30 March 2018, 05:11 PM
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Esprise Me Esprise Me is offline
 
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I like Ellestar's suggestion. A couple people have dropped the "a" from "a few steps," which changes the meaning. "Requires a few steps" implies it may not be all that simple or easy, as it's not a one-step process. "Requires few steps" implies that it is simple and easy, as the steps required are fewer than you might think. The former stands in contrast to the positive statements that follow, so they should be set off with a "but." The latter is in the same spirit as "easy to follow" and should be joined with an "and."

That said, which is more accurate for this situation? Does the new process involve more or fewer steps than the old?

Also I agree with GenYus about "new and improved." I get that, as with such constructions as "very unique," this is more about grammar pedantry than reality (something sufficiently altered could be considered new, not just improved, because nothing in the world is ever *really* new), but it still annoys me.

ETA: I think to be absolutely grammatically unimpeachable, it should read:
"This new and improved procedure requires a few steps, but it is easy to follow and provides more accountability and accuracy!"

Last edited by Esprise Me; 30 March 2018 at 05:16 PM.
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  #15  
Old 30 March 2018, 05:22 PM
jimmy101_again jimmy101_again is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by GenYus234 View Post
The procedure is either new or it is improved, it can't be both![/pointless and possibly incorrect rant]
But it can be one but not the other. Microsoft seems to be really good at "new" that isn't "improved".
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  #16  
Old 30 March 2018, 08:17 PM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Throw Tomato

Quote:
Originally Posted by SatansHobbit View Post
Bloody moron could work this out eventually, but if they f*** up, we'll get 'em! ,,,,,,comma crazy too,,,,,
Trust me, there are some people in this agency who needs lots of hand holding.
Have you ever considered moving up here and sitting at the Help Desk?
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  #17  
Old 02 April 2018, 04:22 PM
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DawnStorm DawnStorm is offline
 
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Read This!

My supervisor is not here today, but I've decided to go with Hans Off's suggestion. Short, sweet and to the point. And I think new and improved is over used.
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  #18  
Old 02 April 2018, 08:47 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DawnStorm View Post
My supervisor is not here today, but I've decided to go with Hans Off's suggestion. Short, sweet and to the point. And I think new and improved is over used.
I’m somewhat flattered!

Thanks!
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  #19  
Old 02 April 2018, 08:53 PM
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Now you just need to debate whether to use the Oxford comma or not.

ETA: but looking at it with and without such a comma probably has little affect on the meaning of the sentence.
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  #20  
Old 02 April 2018, 09:05 PM
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"But I don't want your drama; if you really wanna; leave out that Oxford comma."
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