Emergency room bulldust

[SatansHobbit]

An email I got today.

FW: [INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT] FW: This is just wrong!



HARD TO BELIEVE, BUT THESE



ARE ALL TRUE STORIES

FROM EMERGENCY ROOMS AROUND THE COUNTRY

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FEMALE SOFA----- A 500 lb. woman from Illinois was examined in a hospital. During the examination, an asthma inhaler fell from under her armpit, a dime was found under one of her breasts and a remote control was found lodged between the folds of her vulva. eeewwwww.....

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PRICKLY PAIR-----OUCH! In Michigan, a man came into the ER with lacerations to his penis. He complained that his wife had "...a rat in her privates..."which bit him during sex (not the first conclusion I would have drawn, I don't think). After an examination of his wife, it was revealed that she had a surgical needle left inside her after a recent hysterectomy.

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PINGPONG ANYONE? -----A 20 year old man came into the ER with a stony mass in his rectum. He said that he and his boyfriend were fooling around with concrete mix, when his boyfriend had the idea of pouring the mix into his anus using a funnel.

(you'd do the same, I'm sure!)?!!. The concrete then hardened,
(no sh*t Sherlock!), causing constipation and pain. Under general anesthesia, a perfect concrete cast of the man's rectum was removed along with a ping pong ball.

(Boy - we live sheltered lives!)

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BLIND DRUNK----- A drunk staggered into a Pennsylvania ER complaining of severe pain while trying to remove his contact lenses. He said that they would come out halfway, but they always popped back in. A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all. He had been trying to rip out the membrane of his cornea. (Oh my gosh!!!)

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OUCH AND DOUBLE OUCH! ----- A couple hobbled into a Washington State emergency room covered in bloody restaurant towels. The man had his hands around his abdomen and the woman had hers around her head. They eventually explained to doctors that they had gone out that evening for a romantic dinner.

Overcome with passion, the woman crept under the table to administer oral sex to the man (Classy or what??). While in the act, she had an epileptic fit, which caused her to clamp down on the man's penis and wrench it from side to side. In agony and desperation, the man grabbed a fork and stabbed her in the head until she let go.

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And you thought YOU were having a bad day!!!! I'm still laughing!!!!

Any germ of truth in any of them, before my reply gets me taken off his mailing list?

[chillas]

I can say that when my sister was a teenager, she once had her contact slide around to the side of her eye. She couldn't get it out, no matter how hard she tried. Finally went to the optometrist who carefully examined her and concluded the reason she couldn't get it out was because it wasn't in there, and all the irritation and discomfort were from her trying to get something that wasn't there. So that one, at least, is plausible.

[Don Enrico]

But what isn't possible is this part:

A nurse tried to help using a suction pump, but without success. Finally, a doctor examined him and discovered the man did not have his contact lenses in at all.

The nurse would have checked for the lens before applying a suction pump. Nurse are quite qualified, even if the common joke won't have it.

[Spam & Cookies-mmm]

I Dr. Dean Edell's book, Eat, Drink and Be Merry, he tells of a doctor or professor who tried to get a plaster cast of a volunteer's vagina (purely for research purposes, you understand). Once the plaster hardened, he couldn't remove it, and had to break it into bits to get it out.

I hope that the volunteer was well paid.

ETA: How does snopes say it? "True, but completely different!"?

[Avril]

Originally Posted by chillas

I can say that when my sister was a teenager, she once had her contact slide around to the side of her eye. She couldn't get it out, no matter how hard she tried. Finally went to the optometrist who carefully examined her and concluded the reason she couldn't get it out was because it wasn't in there, and all the irritation and discomfort were from her trying to get something that wasn't there. So that one, at least, is plausible.

I got one folded up and stuck behind my eyelid once. Had you examined me--as I examined myself--you would have seen no lens. But I looked all over the place for it and couldn't find it. And my eye felt horrible. I tried to sleep for a while and may have drifted off--and REM may have dislodged it. I woke up in the middle of the night and went to look again, and there it was, folded, in the corner of my eye.

I took it out and suffered no ill effects, but I do wonder what might have happened had I gone to a doctor to complain when it wasn't visible.

(And contacts are visible, even to the untrained person. Try looking closely at a contact-wearer sometime--you'll see a tiny ring around the iris.)

[nonnieyrissa]

My great aunt gained a lot of weight in the last third of her life and would constantly joke about finding her glasses between her breasts when she couldn't find them(because after reading in bed one night she looked everywhere for them only to have it pointed out to her that she had them there). She claimed that sensation decreased as she grew bigger, this could be possible but her skin was also much older and that could have been a cause.

Besides, you'd think I were a garbage collector(or stripper) judging by the number of times that someone pointed out that I had something stuck to me, including change, when getting up from sitting on the ground(bad habit), I don't even notice and I'm not that heavy...

[mags]

I once got my contact folded up and lost under my eyelid somewhere by having my eye very slightly open as I was hit in the face by an intense wave of water. I thought it was washed out, which was really upsetting because at that time they cost something like $70 each, I had to pay for them myself (and at 13 years old, I didn't have a lot of money), and I was away at camp for the week and thought I would be doomed to spend the rest of the hot week in glasses (heat was a major reason I got contacts in the first place). After a bit of me freaking out, it became apparent to me there was something way up under my eyelid, and I was able to work it down by looking up and down several times.

Worst time for anything stuck up in my eye was the time I got a full length hair from my head stuck in there somehow when I put on my contacts. I felt something, but I looked all around, and couldn't see anything. Hours later, I finally found the end had drifted down to the corner of my eye, and I pulled the whole length out. My eye had done a pretty good job of trying to "pearlize" it in the meantime.

[Richard W]

Originally Posted by Avril

I got one folded up and stuck behind my eyelid once. Had you examined me--as I examined myself--you would have seen no lens.

I would have thought somebody looking closely at your eye as you moved it around would be able to see a bit better than you yourself can see your eyes in a mirror...

[snopes]

ER-a-chow