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Old 29 August 2007, 07:15 PM
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Icon07 The Cheating Woman & the Vasectomy

Comment: The Cheating Woman & The Vasectomy... This one just recently
surfaced on the following web site http://www.sportstimeout.com/showthread.php?t=444

Don't know where it came before that, but am damn interested if it's true or urban legend.

---------------------------------

I’ll try to sum up a funny story that happened a few years ago: I got a vasectomy. I met a girl soon afterwards. She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. She was 32 at the time and I could practically HEAR her biological clock ticking. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.

I did NOT tell her about my vasectomy and I always used a condom with her to protect against STDs. She assumed, obviously, that the condom was only used for birth control. Silly girl.

We date for a few months. I never made any move towards commitment but she brought it up ocassionally. For me, this was a casual but pleasant relationship. For her - as I was to find out - it was part of life-changing series of events that she was planning very carefully.

Four months into dating, I get the “I’m pregnant” talk. She’s going on and on about how the condom must have broke and now we really need to think about getting married “for the baby”. She’s positively giddy. She has a baby in her and she thinks she’s gonna have a good meal ticket (me) to go along with her new 7lb annuity.

At this point, I’m just as giddy. I get to pull the reverse “oops” on her. I figured that she slept with some bad boy and got knocked up. Good thing I was using condoms! Better still that I have a serious mistrust of women who can’t think beyond their own uteri.

So I wait a couple of days to “think about all this.” I meet her again. I say I don’t want kids and that she should have an abortion. I know where this is going and sure enough it goes there. She goes completely batsh*t insane on me. There were the usual insults about my manhood. There were threats of legal action. It was all very ugly and I was loving every minute of it.

Well, I let her stew for a few days. She leaves me nasty messages on my phone. She sends awful emails. I’m laughing hysterically.

It was time to drop the hammer. While she was stewing I was busy. First I get a notarized copy from the urologist who performed the vasectomy. Next I get a notarized copy of the TWO test results indicating a “negative test result for sperm” to show I’m sterile and shooting blanks. Finally, I get a letter from a shark attorney stating he has seen the other documents and is prepared to litigate against this woman if she continues to communicate with me in such an unpleasant manner. Also, the letter states that we will insist on DNA testing to show that the baby is not mine. I’m ready.

I meet with this woman at her place. I bring flowers and a small bit of jewelry to show I am willing to reconcile and assume my responsibilities as a new father. I also have stuck in my pocket the documents I have prepared.

She’s all giddy again. Her plan is going perfectly - or so she thinks. We talk about our future. We have some pretty good sex. Then, as I am about to walk out the door, I ask her the $64,000 question. “Are you sure that this baby is mine?”

Well, she goes batsh*t insane again. Hell, she ought to. Her plan could completely unravel if there is ANY question about my paternity. Oh, she’s really screaming now. How dare I question her morals. Do I think she’s a slut. I’m just trying to weasel out of my responsibilities… blah, blah, blah, yadda, yadda, yadda.

I’m not really mad. I’m kind of embarrassed for her. But since she won’t shut up and the neighbors can hear all of this, I ask her to step back inside and sit down. She sits on the sofa and calms down a bit. She is glaring at me with all the moral self-righteousness that only a woman can muster up. She thinks she has me trapped. She is 100% convinced her plan has worked. Oh, the tangled web of lies and deceit she has wrought around herself and I am about to hack through them with a few pieces of paper.

I reach into my pocket slowly. I extract the three pieces of paper and unfold them slowly and deliberately.

I tell her simply, “You’re screwed”.

Her look doesn’t change. There is no way she can fathom what I have prepared.

I continue. “I am sterile”

Her look changes just a bit. Something is beginning to sink in. Naturally, she reverts to women’s logic. “You’re full of sh*t. You’re trapped and you know it.”

I hold up the letter and the test results. “Three months before we met, I had a vasectomy. Here is a notarized letter from him stating what I had done. Here are two test results showing that I tested negative for the presence of sperm. Blanks. I am shooting blanks. That baby inside you is simply not mine.”

This woman is not to be swayed by logic and clear documentation. “Bullsh*t, those are fakes.”

I was ready for that. “No, they are real. This last piece of paper is from my attorney. It’s a simple letter to you that states if you pursue any kind of legal action against me for child support that I will insist on a DNA test to prove paternity, that is, to prove that your baby is not mine.”

I give the woman all the documents. She reads them slowly, deliberately. With each passing second she can feel in her soul that she has made a very bad mistake. With denial swept away, she started to cry. It’s a small cry at first. Then it becomes deeper and more painful. By the time she gets to the letter from the lawyer she is sobbing.

I had no sympathy for her. I turned and walked out the door. Even after I closed the door I could still hear her sobbing.

Epilogue -

I never heard directly from this woman again. I did hear through my friends that she did indeed have the baby. I also heard that the real father was some guy in a band she had met. I assumed that after 30, women stopped going after musicians, bikers, criminals, and thugs. Silly me for thinking the best of American women.

The Moral of the Story -

Get a vasectomy but keep it a secret.
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  #2  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:21 PM
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Lovely.
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  #3  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:22 PM
Dr. Dave Dr. Dave is offline
 
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Wow, this isn't even funny- not even in a "don't tell my wife I laughed" sort of way. I'm assuming it is fiction, written as a joke/cautionary tale, but Man! How much of a cad does a guy have to be to:

1. Not share this important piece of info with a woman in whom he "hears the biological clock ticking."

2. Have sex with her one more time before springing the trap.

Et cetera.
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  #4  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:24 PM
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Both these characters sound like real winners.
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  #5  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:24 PM
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They're both pretty obnoxious. The guy for not making it clear he'd had a vasectomy and the woman for trying to pass off someone else's child as his in her desperation for a baby.
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  #6  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:27 PM
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This could be used as a diet aid, as now I feel ill and have no appetite. If this guy is real, he's a complete ass. If someone made this up because they thought it was funny, they are also a complete ass.

And I hope they get bitten by a radioactive feminist. (Ryda, dammit, I'm still waiting on that!)
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  #7  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:27 PM
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That story is only funny if by funny he meant cruel, sick and hateful.

They were both wrong, but the way he went over with flowers et all to "make up" then "casually" mentioning it as he's walking out the door takes it to the realm of cruel IMO.

I've never heard this before but I hope to god it's fake.
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  #8  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:27 PM
Dr. Dave Dr. Dave is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by AnglRdr View Post
Both these characters sound like real winners.
Agree- with you and Artemis 100%. But if this is fictional, than the woman is the author's caricature of 30 something woman and the man is his fantasy ideal.
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  #9  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:36 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Artemis View Post
They're both pretty obnoxious. The guy for not making it clear he'd had a vasectomy...
The guy's obnoxious for other reasons, but not making it clear he'd had a vasectomy is not one of them. There is no reason he owes her that information. It is entirely irrelevent unless they were trying to have a child.
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  #10  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:37 PM
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Quote:
She was nice and attractive but with a selfish streak that raised a big red flag. Regardless, she was a good lay, easy on the eyes, and reasonably good company.
Sounds like more than one red flag was raised in this scenario.

- snopes
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  #11  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:40 PM
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Of the two I'd say he's the bigger waste to the collective. Both have some pretty screwed up values IMNSHO.
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  #12  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:51 PM
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This story was told on a local radio talk show some years ago, drawn out over several months. The caller telling the tale claimed the woman was his wife and he'd neglected to tell her about his vasectomy even though they'd been married for a while. This immediately set off the hosts' BS meter, but they let him continue because they got a huge response from other callers (half of whom believed it, half thought he was full of it). It wasn't uncommon for the hosts to allow callers to spew ULs as though they were real tales, because listeners always repsonded and they got ratings.

As weeks went by, the caller continued to give "updates" to his story. He confronted his wife about his vasectomy, she refused to believe him, lawyers got involved, the father turned out to be a black man she'd met at a club downtown (of course the caller had to throw in the racial angle to make his story more "interesting" ), etc. I don't remember the end of his saga - she might have been faking the pregnancy or moved in with the real father; I can't recall.

In the end, of course, the man was faking the whole story, but the hosts didn't care because it drew a huge audience and the phone board lit up every time he called with an "update". His last phone call was his confession that he'd made up the whole thing, essentially as a phone troll. This was circa 1999 or 2000, but I'm sure the story has been around for a long, long time.
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  #13  
Old 29 August 2007, 07:51 PM
Ryda Wong, EBfCo. Ryda Wong, EBfCo. is offline
 
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Blech. I don't like people. At all. Gah.

Ryda "That's all I have to say to that" Wong
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  #14  
Old 29 August 2007, 08:31 PM
Magdalene Magdalene is online now
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Beachlife! View Post
The guy's obnoxious for other reasons, but not making it clear he'd had a vasectomy is not one of them. There is no reason he owes her that information. It is entirely irrelevent unless they were trying to have a child.

I'd have to disagree, because most people view dating as seeing if the person you're dating is compatible as a life partner. If one person (in this case, the woman) wants kids, and the other (the man) doesn't (proven by the fact he had a vasectomy), then ultimately they're not compatible and they're wasting each other's time. Which he knew, but she didn't. It would have been better to find out ASAP and cut ties immediately and for both to find partners more in line with their goals.

Magdalene
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Old 29 August 2007, 08:38 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdalene View Post
I'd have to disagree, because most people view dating as seeing if the person you're dating is compatible as a life partner. If one person (in this case, the woman) wants kids, and the other (the man) doesn't (proven by the fact he had a vasectomy), then ultimately they're not compatible and they're wasting each other's time. Which he knew, but she didn't. It would have been better to find out ASAP and cut ties immediately and for both to find partners more in line with their goals.

Magdalene
If the subject of marriage and kids comes up then the man needs to be clear about this. And if the women doesn't want to date any man unless he is willing to marry and have kids she should probably bring up the subject on the first date. But, aside from this, I do not think the man has to blurt out the fact that he has a vasectomy as soon as he dates someone new for the first time. I don't think he has any responsibility to mention this information until it becomes relevent to the relationship.
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  #16  
Old 29 August 2007, 08:39 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimee Evilpixie View Post
And I hope they get bitten by a radioactive feminist.
I'm not sure I agree with that line, but it sure is funny!

Unless that bite turns the guy into Super Jerk!
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  #17  
Old 29 August 2007, 08:39 PM
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It's unfortunate those two people couldn't make it work together. Unfortunate for the other people they end up with, that is.
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  #18  
Old 29 August 2007, 08:40 PM
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Well, he says he was pretty much aware of her biological clock ticking. He knew she wanted to have a baby soon. I'm not saying you have to tell the guy or girl you're dating _everything_. But if you know that they want children, let them know that you're not interested in kids, or that you're interested in a more casual/short-term relationship. That way, they don't have to labor under the impression that it might happen. They can stay or leave, depending on what they want, but they've got all the information.
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  #19  
Old 29 August 2007, 08:46 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Magdalene View Post
I'd have to disagree, because most people view dating as seeing if the person you're dating is compatible as a life partner. If one person (in this case, the woman) wants kids, and the other (the man) doesn't (proven by the fact he had a vasectomy), then ultimately they're not compatible and they're wasting each other's time. Which he knew, but she didn't. It would have been better to find out ASAP and cut ties immediately and for both to find partners more in line with their goals.

Magdalene
While I agree that honesty and disclosure regarding one's interest in commitment to a longer term relationship are essential, it's not entirely clear that he did not communicate his views. I think IRL it's fair to say "I don't want to have children" and not disclose a vasectomy, at least in the short term.

Since both characters are one-dimensional caricatures and the story is flavored with a clear anti-woman bias, I don't think it makes sense to analyze what the characters should have done. She wasn't interested in whether or not he wanted kids; her diabolical plan was to trick him into providing for a child that he didn't father.

It's basically the old "liar gets come-uppance" tale with a "good-time bachelor nearly gets screwed over by a deceitful shrew" twist.
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  #20  
Old 29 August 2007, 09:35 PM
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Isn't it kind of odd that a single guy, with no significant other, who uses condoms reguarly, to just up and get himself a vasectomy out of the blue?
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