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  #1  
Old 10 January 2013, 01:45 PM
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Barbara Barbara is offline
 
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Whalephant Why teachers drink

WHY TEACHERS DRINK

The following questions were set in last year's examination
These are genuine answers (from 16 year olds)............and they WILL breed.

Q. Name the four seasons
A. Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar

Q. Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink
A. Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists

Q. How is dew formed
A. The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire

Q. What causes the tides in the oceans
A. The tides are a fight between the earth and the moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature abhors a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins the fight

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on
A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election

Q. What are steroids
A. Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs
(Shoot yourself now, there is little hope)

Q. What happens to your body as you age
A. When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery
(So true)

Q. Name a major disease associated with cigarettes
A. Premature death

Q. What is artificial insemination
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour
A. Keep it in the cow
(Simple, but brilliant)

Q. How are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. The abdomen)
A. The body is consisted into 3 parts - the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels: A,E,I,O,U.
(wtf!)

Q. What is the fibula?
A. A small lie

Q. What does 'varicose' mean?
A. Nearby
(Asian answer!)

Q. What is the most common form of birth control
A. Most people prevent contraception by wearing a condominium
(That would work)

Q. Give the meaning of the term 'Caesarean section'
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome

Q. What is a seizure?
A. A Roman Emperor.
(Julius Seizure, I came, I saw, I had a fit)

Q. What is a terminal illness
A. When you are sick at the airport.
(Irrefutable)

Q. What does the word 'benign' mean?
A. Benign is what you will be after you be eight
(brilliant)
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  #2  
Old 10 January 2013, 01:48 PM
Aud 1 Aud 1 is offline
 
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Who is asking 16 year olds about mortgage guarantees and artificial insemination?
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  #3  
Old 10 January 2013, 02:00 PM
overyonder overyonder is offline
 
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This looks like 2 internet jokes that have been mixed together. The later part is borrowed from the old "redneck medical dictionary".

OY
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  #4  
Old 11 January 2013, 12:34 AM
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Dasla Dasla is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aud 1 View Post
Who is asking 16 year olds about mortgage guarantees and artificial insemination?
Depends on the subject I guess. I do remember in Home Economics we were taught the various types of loans and what they were used for. I can't remember much of the details but hire purchase was included. The process of appling for a mortgage were more then likely included. This would have been in grade 9 or 10 (14 or 15). My problem is - what is the subject? It goes all over the place, so this was all on one test?
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  #5  
Old 11 January 2013, 12:43 AM
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Auntie Witch Auntie Witch is offline
 
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Ag classes might discuss artificial insemination, as well.
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  #6  
Old 11 January 2013, 12:55 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Auntie Witch View Post
Ag classes might discuss artificial insemination, as well.
I am trying to remember but I think Artificial Insemination might be included on Reproduction in Senior Biology. When I was working in the science department I mainly set up for experiments and what experiments would be required for reproduction (don't go there ). By grade 11 and 12 the basics of human reproduction would have been covered, so the subject might have been expanded. I don't think they did reproduction as a senior subject though.
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  #7  
Old 11 January 2013, 01:07 AM
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erwins erwins is offline
 
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Who is asking 16-year-olds to name the four seasons? That one sounds more like an elementary school question to me.
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  #8  
Old 11 January 2013, 01:22 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by erwins View Post
Who is asking 16-year-olds to name the four seasons? That one sounds more like an elementary school question to me.
Yeah the real worry is not that the imaginary student that wrote these answer can breed but that the people believe this (and pass it on) can (and proberly have) breed (bred/beard/bread) .
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  #9  
Old 11 January 2013, 01:44 AM
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Cervus Cervus is offline
 
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A number of these are jokes from publications like Reader's Digest; i.e. they've been around for decades and were certainly not written by students.
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  #10  
Old 11 January 2013, 02:46 AM
Dr. Dave Dr. Dave is offline
 
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That varicose one is older than most of us.
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  #11  
Old 11 January 2013, 02:52 AM
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Amigone201 Amigone201 is offline
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dr. Dave View Post
That varicose one is older than most of us.
Not surprising, considering the sideways jab at Asians in it. Ha ha, let's all laugh at Asians because they talk funny!
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  #12  
Old 11 January 2013, 04:34 AM
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Jolly Roger

Quote:
Originally Posted by erwins View Post
Who is asking 16-year-olds to name the four seasons? That one sounds more like an elementary school question to me.
And what modern American sixteen year old would answer salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar. Vinegar being the particular odd one.
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  #13  
Old 11 January 2013, 05:10 AM
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nonnieyrissa nonnieyrissa is offline
 
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Mortgages are discussed in math classes as well, in word problems among other things. Artificial insemination is also included in the health and wellness program as well, which starts around 11 or 12 yrs. old, depending on the child's birth-date.
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Old 11 January 2013, 06:00 PM
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They're dumb but they know 'benign' is pronounced 'be-nine'.
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  #15  
Old 11 January 2013, 06:14 PM
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Maybe the questions were verbal (would also make sense for the "Asian answer" )?
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  #16  
Old 11 January 2013, 11:51 PM
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Richard W Richard W is offline
 
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So, um, how are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. abdomen)?
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  #17  
Old 12 January 2013, 01:45 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard W View Post
So, um, how are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. abdomen)?
Salty, sweet, bitter, sour, and umami.
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  #18  
Old 12 January 2013, 01:58 AM
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ganzfeld ganzfeld is offline
 
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Cow

Quote:
Originally Posted by Richard W View Post
So, um, how are the main 20 parts of the body categorised (e.g. abdomen)?
Chuck, rib, sirloin, tenderloin, round, shank, flank, thick flank, leg, plate, brisket, shin, shank, topside, silverside, tail, tongue, heart, liver, kidney.
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  #19  
Old 19 January 2013, 06:58 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nonnieyrissa View Post
Mortgages are discussed in math classes as well, in word problems among other things. Artificial insemination is also included in the health and wellness program as well, which starts around 11 or 12 yrs. old, depending on the child's birth-date.
I did the two math subjects that were designed for acdemically minded student going to Uni, but there was a subject called "Maths In Society", now called "Multi-strand maths" or "Maths 21" or something. It was for students who weren't going into onto to uni and was meant to cover maths used in every day life. Like I said, I didn't do it, but I would imagine Mortgages and lnterests rates would be covered.

Meant to post this last week.
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  #20  
Old 19 January 2013, 07:31 AM
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SatansHobbit SatansHobbit is offline
 
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Australia

Quote:
Originally Posted by ganzfeld View Post
Chuck, rib, sirloin, tenderloin, round, shank, flank, thick flank, leg, plate, brisket, shin, shank, topside, silverside, tail, tongue, heart, liver, kidney.
No bacon? That's put me off cannibalism for life...and by the way..
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