Things you shouldn't have to tell your pet

[A Turtle Named Mack]

Rusty,

I happened to have tossed that stale tortilla into the yard so the wild critters could eat it. It happened to land in a bush on the near side of the fence. Having found the one tortilla on the bush does not mean that you have found a tortilla-bush. There will be no more tortillas sprouting from the bush. Please stop dragging me through it!

[DawnStorm]

Originally Posted by TurquoiseGirl

From now on, all bones and antlers are going to be put on the shelf before we go to bed, just as a precaution against "We are wrestling! Over the bone! Isn't this the funnest thing EVER! Mommy! Look at us! Wrestling! With the bone! We are going to give the bone to you, so you can play too! And then we are going to wrestle on TOP of you. Because.... it's a bone and we're wrestling! Fun! Fun! Fun!"

Love,
Mommy

And we'll have fun fun fun until Mommy takes the antlers away!

[inkrose115]

Bella,
I love you and appreciate that you wish to spend as much time as possible snugged up against my head. But mommy was not terribly excited to wake up from her nap to find her pillow covered in poopies. Next time it happens, mommy is locking you in birdie jail before she lies down.

[granola shoes]

Nica, we ALWAYS give you peanut butter because we know it's your favorite thing. It really wasn't necessary to help yourself to the nearly full jar! At least you have your own jar now....

[Psihala]

Enoch,

The sun has moved. There will be no further signs from the cat-gods reflecting off the various shiny surfaces within the apartment today. You can stop gazing at the ceiling and flapping your whiskers while making no sound as if you're about to attain rapture.

~Mom
(*Incidentally, this is the reason we don't play the "reflection game" much anymore... as it clearly upsets you.)

[inkrose115]

Originally Posted by granola shoes

Nica, we ALWAYS give you peanut butter because we know it's your favorite thing. It really wasn't necessary to help yourself to the nearly full jar! At least you have your own jar now....

You mean you didn't have a jar set aside already? Shame!

[Sylvanz]

Parrot, my dear old kitty. I love to cuddle with you, but I do wish that you wouldn't drool down my chest.
Oh, and wipe your cold wet nose all over my face.

[JoeBentley]

Bailey Kitty.

My mother got me a really cool MacFarlane Halo 4 Master Chief action figure for Christmas. I would like very much it was still in the same spot on the self come morning.

[granola shoes]

Originally Posted by inkrose115

You mean you didn't have a jar set aside already? Shame!

Usually we do! I'm just upset this was the good stuff, the honey roast kind :\

[inkrose115]

Originally Posted by granola shoes

Usually we do! I'm just upset this was the good stuff, the honey roast kind :\

My bird eats better than I do. I try to make sure she gets the best of everything for her sensitive digestion. Oh, the food bills.
*curls up in a ball and makes dying whale noises*

[LadyLockeout]

Ash Dog and Duo Cat -

If you, y'know, CHEWED your food, you wouldn't be puking it back up two minutes later.

Just a thought.

Mom.

[GenYus234]

So he is being bad Ash?

Dear Payson:

See above.

PS. Plastic bags are *still* not food.

[Mosherette]

Shadow

You do realise that you can empty both of your digestive system outlets in one visit to the garden, don't you? There's nothing more annoying than settling down after I've let you back in from having a wee only to be pestered 60 seconds later because OMG suddenly you need a poo.

Thanks
Tired door-opener.

[inkrose115]

It's raining food! Hallelujah! It's raining food!
...
Nevermind, it's just you. Is it necessary to munch your pellets with such gusto that they go flying everywhere?

I appreciate that they are crunchy and tend to fly apart when you bite them, but none of the other birds had your spectacular ability to send them flying across the room.

Originally Posted by LadyLockeout

Ash Dog and Duo Cat -

If you, y'know, CHEWED your food, you wouldn't be puking it back up two minutes later.

Just a thought.

Mom.

Chewing? What is this 'chewing' of which you speak?

[kit_n_caboodle]

Pablo, I shouldn't have to wipe kitty litter off your nose. WTF are you doing?

[Spamamander]

Chaos-kitty, it really isn't normal for cats to steal saltines and bolt off across the house with them.

Arc the amazing wonder horse,

You would get a lot more of the good happy horsey food if you didn't shove your head in the bucket then fling it back up because you are SO EXCITED, scattering a huge mouthful all over the ground. I know you vacuum it up off the ground too, but the birds really enjoy your eating habits.

[smittykins]

China,

I have cleared off approximately half of the surface area of the computer desk for you to lie on. WHY do you insist on trying to fit onto the four-inch section between my laptop and the edge of said desk? You don't fit there very well.

[DawnStorm]

I'm going to say this again Felix and Scuttlebutt: please take your discussions/feline smackdowns somewhere else! Some of us are drifting off to sleep y'know! Although seeing the two of silhouetted on my bed, on your haunches and smacking each other was rather cute.

[Morning]

Maybe Felix was just defending his honor against rumors.....

[Lainie]

I see what you did there. :-)