Things you shouldn't have to tell your pet

[Lainie]

I HATE waking up to the dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig dig sound.

Also: Hammy, shut up. Shut up shut up shut up. When my light is off, BE QUIET!

[Enchanting_eyes]

Bailey Kitty --- Scissors are not a toy, you do not need to bite at them when I am cutting something.

Martini --- I do not need you to sit on or crawl up under a table cloth I am cutting to resize. also, STOP BARKING, I would like to have my windows open without you barking and me getting a headache.


You know both of you just stop being animals.

[inkrose115]

I feel bad that you fell and skinned your beak. It's so tragic. I'd feel a lot more pity if I hadn't seen you dangling off of the side of the cage by one foot, trying to steal my pens. So now you're just going to have to adjust to having a little red mark between your nostrils.

[Psihala]

Kitties,

Maybe your day starts at 4:30 AM, but I'd prefer mine did not. Could we possibly push it back to, say, eight-ish?

Please?

~Your sleepy care-giver

[kit_n_caboodle]

Kitties,

Should we add mind readers to your already long list of talents? Because otherwise how could you have known that as I was heading home from work I was thinking how great it would be to walk into the kitchen and step on a turd?

Amazing!

[JoeBentley]

Not pet per se but....

Dear Spider, I believe you are a Arrowhead Orb Weaver but I'm not certain.

Seriously why did you build an absolutely massive, seriously it's almost 6 foot by 6 foot, web across the front of our patio and plant yourself right in the middle of it at eye level? What exactly are you trying to catch?

Because all I can imagine is that Far Side cartoon where the spiders have built a web across the bottom of a playground slide with the caption "Well pull this off... we'll eat like kings!"

Seriously though if it means less mosquitoes and other bugs out on the patio I'm all for it and you're welcome to stay there as long as you wish.

[RichardM]

JoeB, keep an eye on the cat and dog.

[Psihala]

Bear,

I don't know why you were trying to kill me while I was under the table re-routing the network cables, but fortunately for me I've already learned what the sound of an LCD monitor being pushed off it sounds like.

~The woman who feeds you-- Think about that before you pull a stunt like that again...

[boogers]

Azazel the ringneck: You may be full of sh-t but you cannot have my Exlax.

[Chloe]

Pulling old pizza out of the trash and eating it at your dad's office is behavior that disgraces both of you.

[boogers]

Leona the cockatiel: I know you want to be a mommy but did you have to lay the eggs under the dresser? And have you noticed your intended mate is two timing you?

[granola shoes]

Nica, I know you need to be with us All The Time, but that really shouldn't extend to you jumping out the window and onto the roof, nearly falling off of the damn thing, while we're out there working on it. You're lucky your dad has fast reflexes, because your momma does not!

[firefighter_raven]

Gabby- please start eating again. I'm not ready for you to go.

[JoeBentley]

Bailey.

The big box the new TV stand came in can't stay in the living room forever. We have to break it down and take it out to the trash. Stop acting like we just canceled Christmas for you.

[TallGeekyGirl]

Dear Ash,

That big empty bowl on the coffee table is for soon-to-be-bought Halloween candy... not kitties.

Aw, who am I kidding... I know the cat adage, "If I fit in it, I sit in it." Also, the old saw that whatever a cat chooses to sleep in or on is a cat bed by default. I guess it was my own fault for putting the bowl out before I had the candy. My apologies. Please disregard this message, as I'm sure you already have.

Your Servant,
Tall Geeky Girl

[DawnStorm]

Flanders, no dashing out the front door whenever I'm going someplace! I can't take you everywhere I go!

[kitap]

Immy when I go do an errand - like, say grocery shopping or laundry - you do not need to cry loudly and disconsolately when you hear me parking. You're a cat; show some dignity.

[DawnStorm]

Originally Posted by kitap

Immy when I go do an errand - like, say grocery shopping or laundry - you do not need to cry loudly and disconsolately when you hear me parking. You're a cat; show some dignity.

Immy, that is behavior unbecoming a feline!!

~The Feline Oligarchy
(Scuttlebutt, Felix, Leela)

[DawnStorm]

Originally Posted by JoeBentley

Not pet per se but....

Dear Spider, I believe you are a Arrowhead Orb Weaver but I'm not certain.

Seriously why did you build an absolutely massive, seriously it's almost 6 foot by 6 foot, web across the front of our patio and plant yourself right in the middle of it at eye level? What exactly are you trying to catch?

Tell me about that! While spider webs are certainly beautiful to behold, it is not advisable to spin them on clotheslines, near walkways, etc. Places where people are most likely to run into them or be forced to destroy them because they need to use the place where the web is attached.

[Roadie]

Originally Posted by DawnStorm

That sounds like You Tube material!

I wish I could get it on video, but their bowl is tucked between the wall and the freezer so the dog can't get it. Which apparently leads to the need to stack cats.