Letters you wish you could send

[rangerdog]

Originally Posted by JoeBentley

I've gotten similar comments from the 9-5 civilians and contractors at my command. They don't understand that I put in a 48 week at minimum, I just do it in 4 days.

9 to 5? Navy Civilian pogues got it easy. As an Army Civilian I am late if I start at reveille.

[Aud 1]

Dear V,
If we all are going to play at this chivalry game please remember it is for both the big and small things. You make a big public (yet electronic) to do about three people's relationship and yet you insist in those same forums that children and newcomers be called by unacceptable terms. I guess you think that you are the hero calling out the emperor's new clothes but I think you are the playground bully.
Aud

[lavender blue]

Dear students-

When there's a sign-in sheet paper-clipped so that a certain page is on top, and that page has today's date on it, that's the page you're supposed to sign. Not the one behind it, and not the one behind that one.

Dr. lb

[queen of the caramels]

Dearest daughter 2..

are you really intereasted or do you just want to stay up late???

bemused qotc...

[kit_n_caboodle]

Dear makers of clothing with scratchy tags:

I hope you get fleas.

Sincerely,
Kit with the red rash on her neck

Dear condo management:

I don't know if you have been choosing contractors according to cuteness, but day-um. Especially this latest one. I'm glad I put on a little makeup before he got here because he sounded cute on the phone. He did not disappoint.

And thanks to the low slung jeans and short t-shirt, I know that delicious golden tan goes aaaall the way down.

Yours gratefully,
Kit with the drool and feeling a little sexist but who cares

[Kitsune27]

Dear Amazon,
ok, I will admit that your recommendations based on what I have purchased/own/added to my wish list are usually pretty spot on.
However, why are you recommending me three different company's nose/ear hair trimmers because I said I owned a book of short stories by Robert E. Howard and toe nail clippers because I bought a collection of Lovecraft stories?

[Swordmaster]

Dear Life,

I get it, we're not friends and you don't like me. Point well taken.

Now could you please start to ease up just a little bit? Pretty please?

Your Bitch (apparently)

[lavender blue]

Dear toad in my driveway-

I am sorry I pushed you so hard with the shovel. But you didn't respond to my attempts to scare you out of the path of my car, and when I drove around you, you went into my garage. I tried to get you into the shovel to deposit you in a better place, but that didn't work either. Since the last thing I wanted was to find your dead body in my garage when I got home, and since you were unmoved by gentle persuasion, the shovel shove was the method of last resort. Hopefully you were able to find a better home than my driveway.

lb

[Tootsie Plunkette]

Dear copywriters for Microsoft radio ads:

The teenaged girl who is writing a report on Romeo & Juliet is going to get a bad grade, no matter what software she uses to write it, if she believes that "wherefore" means "where" and not "why."

(She says: "'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?' ... he's not in my high school!")

[lavender blue]

Dear toad that was in my driveway-

Since you were no longer in my driveway when I got home, I'm assuming that you found a better living locale. I'm glad you survived my use of the shovel to put you back outside.

lb

[A Turtle Named Mack]

Originally Posted by Tootsie Plunkette

Dear copywriters for Microsoft radio ads:

The teenaged girl who is writing a report on Romeo & Juliet is going to get a bad grade, no matter what software she uses to write it, if she believes that "wherefore" means "where" and not "why."

(She says: "'Wherefore art thou, Romeo?' ... he's not in my high school!")

And worse, the usage reinforces the confusion that so many people have over what 'wherefore' means. Yeah, in reality, plenty of teens would make that mistake, but let's demonstrate a little better understanding.

[Mouse]

Dear NFBSKturd who invented that BasicScan thing that keeps hijacking my browser,

Here's a stout rope. Hang yourself.

Hate,

Disgruntled Rodent

[DawnStorm]

Dear Apartment Complex Management:
You people have some issues!!!

~The Dog Walker

[Minstrel]

Dear random group of saleschildren in the hallway,

Points to whichever of you told the younger ones not to run up and start petting my dog without asking because you don't know if he will bite.

That said, I'm still not buying your overpriced magazines.

Sincerely,
Me

[LadyLockeout]

Dear Great Aunt Fran -

MIL Drives me crazy, but she is NOT your personal slave. Telling her that she has to help you at any time you want because she "has no life" is nfbsk'ing rude. Just because she doesn't have a job (because she doesn't need one) doesn't mean that she does not have a life and that she is entitled to it.

And yes, I WILL continue calling you out on the rude bullnfbsk. I don't like her lifestyle either, but I will defend her right to have it. She does not exist just to wait on you hand and foot.

The great niece by marriage who doesn't have any of that pesky fear of Great Auntie.

[queen of the caramels]

Originally Posted by Minstrel

Dear random group of saleschildren in the hallway,

Points to whichever of you told the younger ones not to run up and start petting my dog without asking because you don't know if he will bite.

That said, I'm still not buying your overpriced magazines.

Sincerely,
Me

and on the flip side

Dear Dog-owner

I've told my children not to approach a strange dog in case it may bite. It is not a reflection on either your dog or my paranoia, it's basic common sense.

If you say it's safe to pet your dog while it is under your control, then if they wish, they may.The prince isn't keen on dogs however and may still refuse but that's up to him and I won't force him to do it against his will.


yours not wanting either your pet or my children to be freaked out

qotc

[Swordmaster]

A couple of years ago, my friend's kid got bit in the face after someone told them it was safe to pet the dog.

I don't trust dog owners much anymore. Nothing against them, nothing against the dog - but if I don't know (g)you or your dog, my kids are going to have to keep a safe distance.

Better safe than sorry.

[A Turtle Named Mack]

Dear parents,

For the most part it is fine that you bring your children to the dog park. Nearly all of the dogs play well with others, human and canine. Be aware, though, that at any time there may be a newbie whose owner is not sure how the dog will do in that environment. It may get nervous with so many dogs and people, and particularly if it is approached a lot or is unfamiliar with children. Please take appropriate care.

And even for the dogs who are total angels, they are here to play with utter abandon. They will bowl over even adults who are not properly braced, so your child has little chance when a dog that outweighs your child 2 to 1 goes barreling through at full speed. It is just being a dog at play time. Your child should be warned and protected - it is the dogs' park. That area with the climbing set is for the kids.

Oh, and one other thing - there is not one surface your child can reach that the dogs have not peed on recently. it's what they do. Probably won't hurt your kids, but keep it in mind.

[Don Enrico]

Dear makers of my alarm clock,

when I push the "light" button to light up the display to check the time, it's probably dark in my room. Chances are, it's night and ther are others sleeping in the same room. Therefore, the clock does not need to make a loud beeping sound (the same one that is used as the actual alarm) to acknowledge that I pushed the "light" button. Lighting up the display is all the acknowledgment I need, every sound may disturb other sleepers.

Yours,

disturbed sleeper who doesn't want to disturb others


Dear makers of the microwave oven in the kitchen,

why does the "you pushed the button" acknowledgement sound you build into your device have to be so loud that it resonates around the quiet house at night? Why does there have to be sound at all?

Yours,

maker of baby formula at night

[thorny locust]

Originally Posted by Don Enrico

Dear makers of my alarm clock [ . . . ]
Dear makers of the microwave oven in the kitchen

Dear makers of my new alarm clock,

Combining the snooze button and the light button was not a bright idea. If I want to check the time at what turns out to be three in the morning, that doesn't mean that I want to engage the snooze function and effectively reset the alarm time.

Dear modern USA in general,

Why does everything have to beep in the first place?

I seem to now be an old codger (get off my lawn!). I distinctly remember a world in which what beeped at you was large machinery that was backing up, and cars that were potentially about to run you over. Now everything beeps, from the microwave to the washing machine* to the gas pump when you hang up the handle (yes, I know I hung up the handle. How do you suppose I did that without knowing that I was doing so? and, if I'm so out of it that I don't know whether I've hung it up, why do you think a generic beep is going to bring me back into coherent awareness?)

When everything beeps, I doubt that anybody pays attention to any of the beeping. I suspect people who stop noticing beeping become more likely to be run over by heavy equipment which is backing up.

/end rant

thorny -- who in addition is driven crazy by certain noise frequencies that apparently don't bother most people -- locust


*Manufacturer of my washing machine: thank you for at least making it possible to set your machine not to beep. Too bad it doesn't automatically stay that way if somebody switches cycles, though.