Letters you wish you could send

[Simply Madeline]

Originally Posted by Lainie

"Center of Excellence" seems to be a big corporate buzzterm these days.

"Center of Excellence" replaced "Shared Services", which replaced "Support Services" which replaced "Cost Center" which replaced "Back Office", which probably replaced something else.

It all means the same thing - functions that cost money rather than make money.

[kit_n_caboodle]

But as long as you're doing it excellently it's all good.

[Alarm]

Excellence is SO 2011!!

The buzzword for 2012 in defenestration!

"The center for defenestration will handle your file!"
"I'll make sure you are properly defenestrated!"

[GenYus234]

I'd believe a center for defenestration actually defenestrates a lot sooner than I'd believe a center for excellence is actually excellent. Like with countries and in a Dilbert cartoon, if you have to name it that, it is because you don't have it.

[A Turtle Named Mack]

Originally Posted by Alarm

Excellence is SO 2011!!

The buzzword for 2012 in defenestration!

"The center for defenestration will handle your file!"
"I'll make sure you are properly defenestrated!"

Maybe the Veep should look it up before the convention.

[DawnStorm]

To all the people who stop in a major state or county street to drop off/pick up people: I would hate to think how truly dangerous you would be if you had brains!

[Ramblin' Dave]

Dear classmate,

Welcome back to Singapore, and congratulations on the baby. I know you were glad to be out of here before, so I hope you're feeling the time was right to return and it's not only for your job. If nothing else, this is a pretty good place to raise a family. Anyway, in this economy, any place with a well-paid job is a decent place to live!

Now, please forgive me if I don't look you up anytime soon. I like you, but I can't stand your wife and I'm not sure if I'm up to the challenge of pretending otherwise. Recalling her demeanor most of the time back in Paris, I imagine you're used to that reaction whether you're fully aware of it or not. To be fair, I have heard she's changed since then. For your sake, I hope so.

[Twankydillo]

To all employers,

Please hire me. I'll be your friend. Oh, go on.

Of maybe 50+ jobs I've applied for in a year, only one has answered me - and I didn't get the job. I'm beginning to think my emails smell. I've been told my CV is okay, it's been looked at by professionals and everything. So is it me? I can change! I'll serenade you! I'll paint your portrait and hang it on my wall! I'll write my CV in the form of an epic ballad, presented as a collage of daisies and primroses!

Please find attached CV and a picture of me looking at you with puppy dog eyes.

Sobbing uncontrollably,
Twanky

[NewZer0]

Dear Coworker,

I really like you and I know you aren't being malicious, but I'm going to start getting snippy if you keep talking about my "three day weekend."

It's true that I only come into the office M-Th. But I work a second job, plus I still have prep work for this one that has to be completed on the weekends. Not only do I not have a 3 day weekend, I don't even have a 2 day weekend. I get one day off a week if I'm lucky.

Please stop.

--Me

[Sue]

The post ^ reminds me of a letter I would like to write.

Dear co-worker,

No it is not "nice for some", to quote you, when I leave at 3.30. I am not leaving early. I get to work for 7.30 (often even earlier than that) which means I am leaving my house every morning at 6.15 am which is horrible for me. I've told you this, and also I know even if I hadn't you are aware that we have flex time in the office so you could figure it out for yourself.

I think you're trying to be funny. Try harder. And in the mean time knock it off!

Signed,

Fed Up

[LadyLockeout]

J -

If you want to be pissed at me, cool, be pissed at me. I can handle it. But lashing out at DH for no reason?

Not so cool.

The wife you're really mad at.

[JoeBentley]

Originally Posted by NewZer0

Dear Coworker,

I really like you and I know you aren't being malicious, but I'm going to start getting snippy if you keep talking about my "three day weekend."

It's true that I only come into the office M-Th. But I work a second job, plus I still have prep work for this one that has to be completed on the weekends. Not only do I not have a 3 day weekend, I don't even have a 2 day weekend. I get one day off a week if I'm lucky.

I've gotten similar comments from the 9-5 civilians and contractors at my command. They don't understand that I put in a 48 week at minimum, I just do it in 4 days.

[NewZer0]

Glad to know it's not just me!

[kitap]

Dear religious program that I think was The 700 Club but don't quote me on that,

The Southern Poverty Law Center incites people to act in negative ways!? I actually had to stop channel-hopping and go back to see if I had heard correctly. Unfortunately I had. They were being blamed for the shooting at the Family Research Council.

I officially detest you, religious program, 10,000 more times than before.

Sincerely,
Proud not to be a viewer

**************************

Dear Packers,

Please keep your losses to the pre-season.

A fan

[smittykins]

To the person who used the laundry room just ahead of me:

Thank you for taking your clothes out of the (one working) dryer in a timely manner.

Your appreciative neighbor

[Ms. K]

Originally Posted by JoeBentley

I've gotten similar comments from the 9-5 civilians and contractors at my command. They don't understand that I put in a 48 week at minimum, I just do it in 4 days.

Move over on that bench, Joe.

I get to hear crap about how it "must be nice" that we work four days a week at our center. Well, we're open from 6AM to 6PM, and that's just the time we're open. We often have kids from 6AM (sometimes someone's mom is waiting for us when we get there to open) to 6PM on the dot. We do preschool three days a week, we serve breakfast, lunch, and snack. And we do it all with staff that works at least nine hours a day, with maybe a five minute bathroom break, and who eat with the kids (what do you mean, lunch hour? There is no such thing teaching preschool!). Even when they're napping, cleaning still has to be done, paperwork still has to be done, lesson planning still has to be done....and more often than not, we're there longer than nine hours, longer than ten hours, we're working into 11 and 12 hour days.

So yes, we only work four days a week. So? We also get paid very little to do a job that is necessary, in high demand, and can really suck. I'm not complaining, per se....but I am annoyed when people look at those of us who work four days of very long hours (see also: Mr. K, the deputy jailer, 12 hour days every day he works), and give us crap about how it "must be nice" to only work four days a week. Well, it must be nice to be paid better, get a lunch hour, get paid breaks, and work eight hours a day, asshat. It goes both ways, thanks.

[kitap]

Originally Posted by JoeBentley

I've gotten similar comments from the 9-5 civilians and contractors at my command. They don't understand that I put in a 48 week at minimum, I just do it in 4 days.

I work nights. I get comments ranging from "must be nice to have your days free [apparently I don't sleep and thus spend all day at my leisure]" to "must be nice to work a shift where you get paid to sleep". Yeah, right. I don't have time to sleep most nights even if I wanted to! Guest issues don't stop between 11 PM and 7 AM.

[compass]

Originally Posted by Twankydillo

To all employers,

Please hire me. I'll be your friend. Oh, go on.

Of maybe 50+ jobs I've applied for in a year, only one has answered me - and I didn't get the job. I'm beginning to think my emails smell. I've been told my CV is okay, it's been looked at by professionals and everything. So is it me? I can change! I'll serenade you! I'll paint your portrait and hang it on my wall! I'll write my CV in the form of an epic ballad, presented as a collage of daisies and primroses!

Please find attached CV and a picture of me looking at you with puppy dog eyes.

Sobbing uncontrollably,
Twanky

What's your email address? I assume it's not "Iwuvkitties@hotmail.com" but I've read some stuff about the domain being a factor. Gmail seems to be acceptable tho'. Do you have any kind of signature? or anything else that might get caught by a spam filter?

[chillas]

Originally Posted by NewZer0

Dear Coworker,

I really like you and I know you aren't being malicious, but I'm going to start getting snippy if you keep talking about my "three day weekend."

It's true that I only come into the office M-Th. But I work a second job, plus I still have prep work for this one that has to be completed on the weekends. Not only do I not have a 3 day weekend, I don't even have a 2 day weekend. I get one day off a week if I'm lucky.

I have something similar from time to time. Where I work the normal work day is 8:00 - 4:30. Most days I come in around 7:00 and leave at 3:30. Every now and then someone will ask if I'm "leaving early again." No, I'm leaving on time, and as it is I'll probably end up logging on and working from home in the evening, too.

[Twankydillo]

Originally Posted by compass

What's your email address? I assume it's not "Iwuvkitties@hotmail.com" but I've read some stuff about the domain being a factor. Gmail seems to be acceptable tho'. Do you have any kind of signature? or anything else that might get caught by a spam filter?

It's my name @ gmail. I have no signature, and nothing else that I know of that I shouldn't have (I've checked for unfortunate typos and things in my CV).