Things you shouldn't have to tell your pet

[Spamamander]

Dearest Chaos kitten,

We have already been down a huge laundry list of things kitties don't eat, some of them even on this board, including oatmeal, cream of wheat, hummus, and the dog's food.

But eating the cabbage from my corned beef and cabbage tonight? That's just WEIRD.

[kit_n_caboodle]

Pablo kitty,

Stop sitting next to the tub and demanding to have water dripped on you when I take a bath.

It's just not normal.

Love, the Nice Lady.

[Gayle]

How many times do you think I will rebuild Kitty City? I love it when you use the KC scratching post instead of the sofa. But why do we have to rip it apart every time?

[DawnStorm]

Originally Posted by geminilee

Also, it is very difficult to play a board game when you insist on laying on the board.

Try working on a jigsaw puzzle when one of your cats keeps picking up the pieces and dropping them on the floor.

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by Spamamander

But eating the cabbage from my corned beef and cabbage tonight? That's just WEIRD.

A former co-worker had a cat who not only liked raw spinach, but begged for a piece every morning.

[Buckle Up]

Originally Posted by kit_n_caboodle

Stop sitting next to the tub and demanding to have water dripped on you when I take a bath.

It's just not normal.

Kinda kinky.

[DawnStorm]

Scuttlebutt, there is enough room in the living in general and on the couch in particular for both you and Felix! Hmm, perhaps I should start sitting in the middle of the couch so you two tomcats can sit on each side of me. Glad that I'm so loved however!

[Gayle]

Oh,Lisbeth, there's a storm a-comin'. Please understand that I can't do squat about thunder or lightning. Sweetpea, we're just going to have to ride it out. If you didn't come flying at me, claws blazing, I would be most appreciative.

I bought new food. You can have some. Please let me sleep through the night.

[Psihala]

Kittens,

Bath wrestling? Is this some new sort of game? Isn't it sort of difficult to groom one another's fur while you're slapping each other in the face?

~Psihala

[zman977]

Maggie, Apples are not tennis balls. Quit looking at me like I"m eating your tennis balls because I'm not. It's a green apple. Trust me, they are still outside in the back yard where you left them. quit giving me that horrified look.

[Arriah]

Kita- your plan to beat that squeek bone till it's quiet is not going to end well. Stop crying at it.

[Magdalene]

Dear Summer,

I know that while you behave with the small humans, they're not your favorite--they're louder and more rambunctious than you care for. So with that in mind, I am so very impressed with how good you were to Baby N (my friend's 3-month-old daughter) when she started screaming and fussing. You came right over and gave her kisses to try and soothe her. Unfortunately, Ebil Greyhound Smootches do not soothe fussy three-month-olds (though they do apparently startle three-month-olds into a few seconds of bewildered "What's that?" silence before they start screaming again).

The baleful look at Baby N's mommy that plainly said, "It's still crying, YOU are apparently doing this wrong and *I* will have to take it and show you how to do it right," was not missed by either one of us, incidentally.

Much amusement,
Human Mommy

[Buckle Up]

Hey Pebbles,

Tuna...chicken...rice...all that stuff is in your regular food, so get over yourself and eat the tuna, chicken, and rice I give you. Mommy's poor 'til Friday, so make peace with the people food, or have a very uncomfortable few days.

I bet if this tuna, chicken, and rice were on Mommy's plate, you'd be dying to eat it. Maybe I'll pretend to eat out of your bowl next.

-Mommy

p.s. no, you can't just drink milk all day.

[Luka_the_Pooka]

Dear Missy -

If it is raining at the front door, it will also be raining at the back door. Running back and forth and demanding that I open doors all day for you to check is not something I'm going to do.

[JoeBentley]

Bailey.

It's your tail. It's attached to your ass. It's gonna be attached to your ass for the rest of your life. Watching you stalk and attempt to attack your own tail is hilarious, but fruitless.

Also when either me or E*E are taking a bath and for whatever reason you decide we need kitty supervision for this process so you decide to sit on the edge of the bathtub with your tail hanging in the water its does seem rather odd that after you hop down from the edge of the bathtub it would only then suddenly dawn on you that your tail is wet.

[Psihala]

*All too familiar descriptions of Bailey's antics.*

Ah, so that's where one of Bear's 3 unknown siblings went.

Bear also walks with his tail curled up and over his back - so after one of these water incidents he ends up with water dripping onto his head with no earthly idea from whence it comes.

~Psihala

[Gayle]

Joe & EE: water warm. Warm good. And I'm scared that you're washing off all your body oils. Are you crazy? Washing yourself in WATER??? I'm afraid you've just plain lost you're minds.

Bailey

[DawnStorm]

Leela, Scuttlebutt and Felix:

You all are fed the same kibble, and in the same amounts. There is no need to go from bowl to bowl to sample the contents of each one.

[Lainie]

Originally Posted by Magdalene

Unfortunately, Ebil Greyhound Smootches do not soothe fussy three-month-olds (though they do apparently startle three-month-olds into a few seconds of bewildered "What's that?" silence before they start screaming again).

Originally Posted by JoeBentley

Bailey.

It's your tail. It's attached to your ass. It's gonna be attached to your ass for the rest of your life. Watching you stalk and attempt to attack your own tail is hilarious, but fruitless.

I guess I'm mean. When I see a kitten/cat doing that, I encourage them to catch and bite it.

Also when either me or E*E are taking a bath and for whatever reason you decide we need kitty supervision for this process so you decide to sit on the edge of the bathtub with your tail hanging in the water its does seem rather odd that after you hop down from the edge of the bathtub it would only then suddenly dawn on you that your tail is wet.

Ours did that, too.

Putting a piece of ice in their water bowl was fun, too: "What's that? [poke] What's that? [poke] Ick, why is my paw wet [shake shake shake]. What's that? [poke]" Repeat until ice melts.

[Psihala]

Kittens,

Very good. You've finally made it to the top of the refrigerator. Only one more challenge remains; the top of the entertainment center - the highest point in the apartment. At just over 8 ft, 6 in., once you've conquered that you will have matched all of the achievements of your predecessor and completed your higher education.


I can't wait.


~the woman not looking forward to that day.