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Old 21 March 2007, 04:16 AM
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Neener, Neener New York April Fools' Day Parade Press Release

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE: Attention News Assignment Editor & Calendar Desk

The New York April Fools' Committee Is Proud to Announce:
NEW YORK CITY'S 22nd ANNUAL APRIL FOOLS' DAY PARADE

THE CIRCUS IS COMING! THE CIRCUS IS COMING!

The 22nd Annual April Fools' Day Parade will march down Fifth Avenue,
from 59th Street to Washington Square Park, beginning at 12 noon, Sunday,
April 1, 2007.

The New York April Fools' Day Parade was created in 1986 to remedy a
glaring omission in the long list of New York's annual ethnic and holiday
parades. These events fail to recognize the importance of April 1st, the
day designated to commemorate the perennial folly of mankind. In an
attempt to bridge that gap and bring people back in touch with their
inherent foolishness, the parade annually crowns a King of Fools from
parading look-alikes.

The parade will be led by Willie Nelson's tour bus with all the windows
open to provide a free contact high to get revelers in the mood. The
Parade Grand Marshall will be ex-Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld
dressed in a body bag. Accompanied by the Totally Partisan Clown Band, he
will lead the crowd in a sing-along of the theme song "Send in the
Clowns" by Stephen Sondheim: "Isn't it rich? Isn't it queer? Loosing my
timing this late in my career? Where are the clowns? There ought to be
clowns. Well, maybe next year."

The public is encouraged to participate, in or out of costume, with or
without floats, and may join the procession at any point along the parade
route. Large float entries must be at 59th Street and Fifth Avenue no
later than 11:30 a.m.

This year's parade will include a Still-Looking-for-Jimmy-Hoffa float
with federal agents digging up a barnyard on wheels; the
King-of-the-Blow-Hards float starring Donald Trump on a self-aggrandizing
rant, with a tearful Miss USA Tara Conner polishing his shoes; the
Blatant-Hypocrites float featuring ex-Congressman Mark Foley, ex-Pastor
Ted Haggard, Boulder, Colorado District Attorney Mary Lacey, and Durham
County North Carolina District Attorney Mike Nifong; the
Saddam-Hang-Em-High-Execution float featuring Shiite executioners
illegally recording and exalting his death; the James-Brown-Gold-Casket
float with Tomi Rae Brown and Reverend Al Sharpton rehearsing for an
episode of MTV's "Yo Momma"; the Giant-Election-Ouija-Board float with
Democratic and Republican presidential candidates spinning to find out
which way to go.

Marching celebrity fool look-alikes will include: Senator John Kerry with
his mouth taped shut; Astronaut Lisa Nowak in a NASA diaper; Paul
McCartney sawing off Heather Mills' wooden leg; World Cup star Zinedine
Zidane head-butting unsuspecting spectators; John Mark Karr dressed as
JonBenet Ramsey; "Sara", the supposed 29-year-old virgin, looking for Mr.
Right, naked except for the bag over her head; Patricia Dunn and other
ex-Hewlett Packard executives reciting the Fifth Amendment; Reverend
Jerry Falwell calling for the apocalyptic return of Christ; and psychic
evangelist Pat Roberson predicting chaos.

Providing color commentary for ABC-TV's fictional documentary on the
parade will be director Mel Gibson, comedian Michael Richards, actor
Isaiah Washington and Senator Virgil Goode.

As the parade ends in Washington Square Park, the party begins, featuring
live music, food, concessions & entertainment. To kick it off, there will
be a 100-yard drug-enhanced sprint between track star Marion Jones on
foot and Tour de France winner/loser Floyd Landis on a bicycle. The
winner will be rewarded a free ride on Willie Nelson's bus.

Taco Bell will provide free spinach, green onion & lettuce salads. Booths
will include a Bio-Medical Tissue Services booth, which will accept
cadaver parts, no questions asked; a Democratic Procreation Booth where
George Soros will give $1,000 per parental pledge to raise an offspring
as a Democrat, because "the only way to beat 'em is to out-produce 'em";
and an Anna Nicole Smith "Who's Your Daddy" paternity testing booth. O.J.
Simpson will autograph recalled copies of his book, "If I Did It." And
ex-Cincinatti Reds baseball star Pete Rose will autograph his balls.
Regrettably, the Boston Red Sox had to withdraw their generous offer to
fund the parade this year due to another commitment of $52 million.
Instead, funding is provided by the Congressional Felons Retirement Fund.

The King or Queen of Fools will be chosen based on the loudest cheers of
the crowd at Washington Square Park. The winner will reign through March
31, 2008.

For information contact:
Joey Skaggs, Committee Chair, 212-254-7878
34 East 11th Street, Suite 2A, New York, New York 10003
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Old 21 March 2007, 04:29 AM
TB Tabby TB Tabby is offline
 
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I really hope enough people buy into this hoax that there really is a parade on April Fool's Day.
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