Apply to become an Illegal Alien

[lynnejanet]

Someone on another board I frequent just posted the gem quoted below.

It looks like it has its origins in Iowa, addressed to a Senator Tom Harkin. I found it posted here on Yahoo Answers, and here on another forum.

Whoever adapted it changed the political details and address, but couldn't be bothered changing the 1-800 number at the bottom. I love the fake ethnic name of the sender; it's a nice touch.

Obviously, there's no veracity to the claim with regard to Canadian politics, but I am wondering if it is at all accurate with regard to US / Iowa llegislation. Was there such a bill passed in 2004?

FORMS ARE GOING FAST- SIGN UP TODAY!

Becoming Illegal (Actual letter from a British Columbia resident and sent to the PM)

The Honorable Steven Harper
Parliment Buildings
Ottawa, Ontario.
Canada

Dear Prime Minister Harper

As a native Canadian and excellent customer of Revenue Canada, I am writing to ask for your assistance.
I have contacted the Department of Immigration in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from Canadian Citizen to illegal alien stems from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted.
If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in Canada for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.
I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider.
Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as 'in-province' tuition rates for many colleges throughout Canada for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums.
This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Hmmmmmmmmmmm, I wonder????????

Your Loyal Constituent ,
SanDee Sefcik
Calgary,AB
Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call Revenue Canada. 1-800-289-1040.

Please pass this on to your friends so they can save on this great offer.

When I posted the links to the original, the OP replied, "Why is it some people do not understand satire and humour and take everything so seriously?". Cause it's good, ya know, to find humour in xenophobic misinformation.

[Natalie]

If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in Canada for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years.

The writer appears to be referring to S. 1645, but they made a pretty major mistake. The proposed law would have allowed certain qualifying illegal immigrants to become lawfully admitted temporary nonimmigrants or permanent resident nonimmigrants, not citizens. One of the most crucial differences is that only citizens can vote. I guess if this guy wants to permanently disenfranchise himself to save some money, that's his business.

The bill has also not been voted on, so it is not law. It was cosponsored by Tom Harkin, which would explain the original form of the OP.

As well as 'in-province' tuition rates for many colleges throughout Canada for my son.

This is apparently a reference to S. 1545 (DREAM act). The main part would have allowed illegal immigrants to claim state higher education benefits if they had entered the country before they turned sixteen, had been living in the US for at least five years, had graduated from high school, been accepted to college, and are not under an order of deportation. The DREAM Act has not been brought to a full Congressional vote yet. It was also sponsored by Harkin

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider.
Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year.

Anyone can use the emergency room as their primary health care provider, but getting that care for free is based on income, not legal status. Someone who "paid heavy taxes" (thus probably earns quite a bit of money) would be required to pay those bills regardless of whether or not they were "illegal".

Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications

I don't think colleges generally give preferential treatment based on citizenship status. Perhaps they're talking about affirmative action?

Also, this guy can't give up his adult daughter's citizenship. She would have to do that herself.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums.

Doesn't relieve you of the burden of paying tickets if you're pulled over for driving without a license or driving without insurance, in states that require insurance. Doesn't relieve you of the burden of paying for car repairs if you cause an accident. And again, he cannot give up his adult children's citizenship, so they would still have to have valid driver's licenses and auto insurance.

[lord_feldon]

Originally Posted by Natalie

Also, this guy can't give up his adult daughter's citizenship. She would have to do that herself.

And she couldn't even do that, most likely. They go to a lot of effort to turn a blind eye when someone does something that qualifies (which can only be done in a foreign country).

[Natalie]

Originally Posted by lord_feldon

And she couldn't even do that, most likely. They go to a lot of effort to turn a blind eye when someone does something that qualifies (which can only be done in a foreign country).

True. If I understand it correctly, in order to be an illegal immigrant one must be a citizen of another nation who immigrates here illegally. A US citizen (who isn't a citizen of another country) would become a stateless person if they gave up their US citizenship.

[snopes]

Alien-chow

[Seburiel]

Originally Posted by Natalie

True. If I understand it correctly, in order to be an illegal immigrant one must be a citizen of another nation who immigrates here illegally. A US citizen (who isn't a citizen of another country) would become a stateless person if they gave up their US citizenship.

I didn't think it would be possible to give up one's US citizenship without being a citizen of another country.

[Natalie]

Originally Posted by Seburiel

I didn't think it would be possible to give up one's US citizenship without being a citizen of another country.

Actually, it looks like the State Department doesn't much care:

Persons intending to renounce U.S. citizenship should be aware that, unless they already possess a foreign nationality, they may be rendered stateless and, thus, lack the protection of any government.

However, one cannot renounce one's US citizenship while being physically in the United States - you have to be in another country. Cite.