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Old 12 February 2015, 05:06 PM
talk2sparky talk2sparky is offline
Join Date: 14 August 2003
Location: Lombard, IL
Posts: 244

Gonna have fun updating these!

Did You Know ?

1. Your shoes are the first thing people subconsciously notice about you. Wear nice shoes. Unless you're a woman. Then it's your boobs.

2. If you sit for more than 11 hours a day, there's a 50% chance you'll die within the next 3 years. However, Thanos isn't scheduled to die until 2019.

3. There are at least 6 people in the world who look exactly like you. There's a 9% chance that you'll meet one of them in your lifetime. Much higher if you're Tatiana Maslany.

5. A personís height is determined by their father, and their weight is determined by their mother. And their width is determined by McDonald's.

6. If a part of your body "falls asleep", You can almost always "wake it up" by shaking your head. Or doing "air quotes."

7. There are three things the human brain cannot resist noticing, food, attractive people and danger. Also, car accidents. And boobs!

8. Right-handed people tend to chew food on their right side and left handed people chew with their mouths open, the disgusting freaks.

9. Putting dry tea bags in gym bags or smelly shoes will absorb the unpleasant odor. Your shorts will smell like an Englishman's farts.

10. According to Albert Einstein, if honey bees were to disappear from earth, humans would be dead within 4 years. And that's how Einstein wrote the treatment to Jerry Seinfeld's "Bee Movie."

11. There are so many kinds of apples, that if you ate a new one everyday, it would take over 20 years to try them all. So get to work!

12. You can survive without eating for weeks, but you will only live 11 days without sleeping. But you'll be amazed at how much you get done in those 11 days

13. People who laugh a lot are healthier than those who donít. The reason for Carrot Top's continued existence.

14. Laziness and inactivity kills just as many people as smoking. Those are the names of my guns.

15. A human brain has a capacity to store 5 times as much information as Wikipedia. Too be fair, Wikipedia doesn't contain all that much "information."

16. Our brain uses the same amount of power as a 10-watt light bulb!! So, technically, we're all dim bulbs!

18. The Ovum egg is the largest cell and the sperm is the smallest cell !! Which is why every sperm is sacred.

19. Stomach acid (conc. HCL) is strong enough to dissolve razor blades!! So if they didn't shred your throat, no need to worry about those swallowed razor blades!

20. Take a 10-30 minute walk every day & while you walk, SMILE. It is the ultimate antidepressant. Also, Lexapro.

21. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. In other words, STFU!

22. When you wake up in the morning, pray to ask God's guidance for your purpose, today. Or Chuthulu. Whichever.

25. Try to make at least three people smile each day. Farts and racist jokes work well.

26. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, energy vampires, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Plus, energy vampires can only be killed by a Zune through the heart.

29. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Forgive them for everything. Even the your killer.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does. Seriously. They all hate you.

33. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about. They might not even have Steve Perry as their lead singer.

34. No one is in charge of your happiness except you. And the bank.

35. Frame every so-called disaster with these words: 'In five years, will this matter?' I mean, who needs TWO legs?

38. Time heals everything. Except herpes.

39. However good or bad a situation is, it will change. Remember that especially during the good times!

40. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch. You know, except for that thing called health insurance

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need. You greedy pig.

42. Each night before you go to bed, pray to God and be thankful for what you'll accomplish, today. And ask him why that extra comma is there.

43. Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed. I remember that dress. Oh what a mess. I must confess.

Now: Forward this to your friends to help them lead a happier and healthier life, too! They'll hate you for it!
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