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Old 28 February 2018, 07:20 PM
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Plurabelle Plurabelle is offline
 
Join Date: 29 September 2003
Location: Brussels, Belgium (home base: Ann Arbor, MI)
Posts: 1,056
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First, so sorry for your grief and pain. My father died of cancer very happily medicated and at peace with his end, my grandmother died of colon cancer in terrible agony because of her own personal issues and not wanting to be seen as weak, and my mother took care of her; now my mother is enduring potentially end-of-life issues and is trying to resist pain meds and it pains me to see her do that to herself. I have started going to her doctor appts with her and saying "my mother is in pain, how will you rectify that?" and she is so happy when I advocate for her but totally refusing to do it herself, so I only schedule her appts when I'm available.

My answer is I will do anything, everything, and whatever my mother wants, and F* off to anyone who has a differing opinion. I would do whatever you can to show her your support, and maybe, if needed, lie to the relatives. It's really none of their business.

ETA: my father basically committed suicide by morphine overdose, in that he was terminal and his doctor set him up with a button that would allow a lethal dose. I was 18 but I was totally okay with it, he had been suffering for so long. He asked my mom to call me (I was away at school) and we both spent the time telling him how much we loved him and how much he meant to us. My mom eventually cried when he stopped breathing; I didn't, because I grieve on a usual 2-4 week delayed reaction.

Last edited by Plurabelle; 28 February 2018 at 07:29 PM.
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