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Old 04 November 2017, 03:43 PM
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thorny locust thorny locust is offline
Join Date: 27 April 2007
Location: Upstate NY
Posts: 9,901

Originally Posted by khisanth View Post
I highly recommend not flirting at work. In general, if you wouldn't behave that way with a male colleague, don't treat a female colleague different. Even if you and the colleague enjoy it, chances are the people around you are rolling their eyes and not enjoying the show.

If you are interested in a colleague - ask them out and do your flirting outside of work (if they accept).


Much of the complaint in the article posted seems to be this:

Except in college, nearly every man I have ever dated was either a co-worker or, once I switched entirely to free-lancing, someone I met through work. This is not unusual, even in the age of dating websites and apps. An informal 2015 survey for the online magazine Mic found that men and women under 35 were almost twice as likely to have met their current significant other through work (17.9%) as through online dating (9.4%). [. . . ]
sexual interaction will happen unless the workplace is regulated to a dehumanizing degree and realistically, some unwanted sexual attention will happen as well.
But the thing is -- humans have invented this thing called 'language', by means of which it's possible to clearly express desires and intentions. It's not a matter of 'we have to be able to use dirty jokes and innuendo and flirting at work, even though we know that many people don't like this and some of them are seriously disturbed by it, because otherwise there's no possible way for workmates who might form genuinely consensual partnerships to get together'. It's perfectly possible to ask a workmate out. Pick a moment when they're not in the middle of a serious work discussion and just ask them. Make it clear that an answer of no is entirely acceptable, and that if the answer is 'no' or the softer 'not now', either to the one date or after the date if accepted, you will never bring it up again; if they change their mind it will be up to them to say so. Because we have words, this can be done. 'I'd like to ask you something, if you've got a minute? it's fine if you don't want to, and if you don't want to I'm only going to ask this once: but would you be interested in going out with me?' (And then, and this is crucial: if they say no, whether hard or soft no, stick to it. Do not ask them again, either overtly or covertly.)

And, for those who actually do want to try a sexual relationship, replacing office innuendo with clear wording has the huge advantage that they don't have to guess whether the 'flirting' means anything or not, and risk being horribly embarrassed when they try to take somebody up on what wasn't an offer after all.
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