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-   -   Letters you wish you could send your pet! (http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=89118)

TallGeekyGirl 04 April 2014 03:47 PM

Letters you wish you could send your pet!
 
Dear Ash,

I'm sorry, but I can't do anything about the big white monster out in front of the house. I know it's a terrifying, growling, crashing beast with one huge, long, reaching arm that's just perfect for grabbing up scared kitties, but I can't make it go away.

At least not until the tree trimmers are done and they drive off in their bucket truck.

Until then, yeah, you're pretty safe under the bed. The monster, even with it's one big long arm, can't possibly reach you there.

Hugs and kisses,
Your humble servant
TGG

she-geek 04 April 2014 03:54 PM

Along the same lines, I'd have liked to have sent the following letter many times.

Candy, sweetie, the giant, invisible, growling, spitting monster can't hurt you when you're in the house. Ignore the bursts of light and the "spit" hitting the windows; according to the National Weather Service, the monster will go away soon.

Your "sister" she-geek

JoeBentley 04 April 2014 05:32 PM

Bailey

I knew you grew up in our old apartment with only one bedroom and we generally kept all the doors open.

But in the new house they are rooms you cannot go into. You can't go into the garage, you can't go into the utility closet, and you can't go into my office. Please stop howling because they dare to be closed doors in the house.

Elkhound 04 April 2014 06:47 PM

Rupert,

Is it really necessary when you use the box to fling litter all over the bathroom, or when you eat the fling kibble all over the floor, or when you drink to splash water all over the floor?

Tootsie Plunkette 04 April 2014 07:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Elkhound (Post 1813670)
Rupert,

Is it really necessary when you use the box to fling litter all over the bathroom, or when you eat the fling kibble all over the floor, or when you drink to splash water all over the floor?

eLKhuond,

Yess.

-ruPPerT

Lainie 04 April 2014 07:09 PM

p.s. your luky its just liter

DawnStorm 04 April 2014 08:08 PM

Flanders:
Jackson is a guest in this house for the next week, so be a gracious hostess. Remember, you were a puppy once!

Magdalene 06 April 2014 04:50 PM

Missy/Mystique*,

You are fitting in so beautifully here, it's amazing. You are a little noisy for a greyhound (though your foster daddy did warn me about that.) You did have a little bathroom issues at the meet and greet (she had two accidents), but the antibiotics are still messing you up a little (hopefully now that you're done with them, that will stop), and those of us there did take into consideration that the last time you were at a meet and greet, your leash was handed over to a stranger and your former mommy left you**, so you were probably a little nervous that it might happen again. That wasn't the purpose, I promise you--I just wanted to get you out into the community to see how you did in public, because I'm hoping to take you to the Ren Faire this year. And you did very well, you're very social and friendly. I think you'll have a lot of fun at the Ren Faire, there will be lots of people coming by to adore you and tell you how pretty and sweet you are--just ask your sister Dazzle, she's an old hand at it, and she LOVES to go.

Next up, introducing you to all the 'nieces and nephews'. You were good with the kids you met at the store, but I'd like to see how you are about *very* small ones who will be much more focused on you, the way they will be at Faire. And the nieces and nephews are experienced with Ebil Greyhounds, so they know how to behave. (And I've been checking you for 'sleep startle' and 'space aggression', both of which thankfully appear to be lacking.)

You are a very good girl, and you don't have to worry, you are home for life. Hopefully you'll soon feel more secure about this so you won't feel the need to be glued to me everywhere I go in the house (especially the bathroom!)

Love,
Human Mommy

*--I didn't really care for the name "Missy", but I didn't know what else to call her, nor was I certain about changing a ten-year-old dog's name. One of my friends suggested "Mystique", thinking it suited her better and sounds enough like her current name that she might take to it better. I've been working on it--it does seem to suit her, and I do like that it's similar to her current name.

**--She lost her former home due to a nasty divorce. The wife couldn't afford to keep her (I don't know what the husband's stance was), so she contacted our group and arranged to bring her to a meet and greet and drop her off to her foster dad. Her foster dad said the woman cried for 30 minutes straight before leaving. That had to be stressful on both of them. :(

Plurabelle 07 April 2014 02:12 AM

Dogs,

The cat box is not a snack bar. Not impressed that you learned how to open the litter tray on the covered box.

Mama

DawnStorm 20 May 2014 02:44 AM

Dear Flanders: you had surgery last Friday. You have a drain in your leg and staples, plus you're doing time in The Cone. Now what part of the following do you not understand? 1)no exercise for 10 days. 2)no going up/down stairs. 3)only go out to use the bathroom. All sounds pretty straightforward to me!

Dear Dr. A: where can I get a doggie straitjacket?

JoeBentley 31 May 2014 06:06 AM

Dear Bailey.

I know that you aren't used to being able to observe this much wildlife right outside your door but the following things are not food/playthings for the kitty.

- The multiple little green porch lizards.
- The one big brown porch lizard.
- The tree frogs that swarm up the patio door in the evenings and night.
- Fence squirrel.
- The odd occasional patio ducks.

Please stop pestering E*E about the various freerange foodstuffs you can see out the patio door while I'm deployed.

DawnStorm 10 June 2014 01:28 AM

Dearest Gobi:
It's such a beautiful thing to see you fully settled into your new home! You're spending more time downstairs with us and realizing that Flanders will not hurt you (although you still keep an eye on her when she's around). You have made this household whole once again. :)

One of your devoted servants

Plurabelle 10 June 2014 05:05 AM

Dear Bea,

I know you're stressed about moving. But farting in my face isn't the answer.

Love, Mama

DawnStorm 03 July 2014 03:04 AM

Dear cat in the window: you can't catch me! Neener neener neener! Yeah I see you, standing on the perch and swishing your tail. Wow, now your human is opening the window. Big whoop--there's still a screen there. At least you can hear me squawking at you! Boy this is fun!

~The Squirrel.


Dear Squirrel:
Stop teasing my kitty!

~The woman who opened the window.

Elkhound 03 July 2014 02:42 PM

Dear Zane's Ghost~

Please don't be mad at me for taking Rupert in. I love you and still miss you, but I needed to have a flesh-and-blood kitty to love. I'll never forget you, sweetie; be a good kitty for St. Gertrude until I can come for you.

DawnStorm 08 July 2014 09:47 PM

Dear Felix T. Cat:
I no longer let you out because last month Next Door Neighbor J told DH that she'd seen a fox in her yard. I don't want you to become fox food! If I am so inclined, I will sit outside while you do your thing, but your outdoor days, er, nights, are over. Sorry. :(

The Staff

Plurabelle 15 July 2014 03:58 PM

Cat:
1. No part of me needs kneading.

2. No eating my iPad!

Thankyouvery much, my beloved Peanut.

Tootsie Plunkette 15 July 2014 07:59 PM

Dear Luna:
Yes, you are a medium-haired cat, and I know you are suffering during this heat spell. We're doing what we can to make the house comfortable for all of us. Here's a hint: snuggling on an overheated human's lap, or spreading out on a human who is trying to sleep in a sweltering bedroom, is not going to help, neither you nor the human.

--Mom

Brad from Georgia 15 July 2014 08:16 PM

Not to my pet, but to my son's (Macheath's) Jack Russell.

Dear Falstaff,
You were a good dog. You loved Jonathan and Rebecca and were fiercely loyal to them. You were never happier than when you snuggled next to both of them. Sometimes you were weird--I remember your phobia of any kind of container, no matter how small, if it was on the floor. Sometimes you were exasperating--I remember the time you escaped from the vacation house we'd rented in Crescent Beach and led Barbara and me on a wild chase before you made the tactical mistake of going through the open gate in someone's fenced yard.

You could be a handful. When Barbara and I thought it would be a good idea to have your photo taken with Santa as a present for Jonathan and Rebecca, we didn't realize that Santa would require some serious therapy afterward.

But you were endearing. When your sister Thisbe was crated for misbehavior, you'd tease her by finding her favorite squeaky toy and chewing on it right outside the crate. And you were funny. Once when you were staying with us for a few days, I heard a crash downstairs, but before I could go see what you'd knocked over, you came running into the room, slunk into your own crate, and then reached out to paw the door shut, knowing that I wouldn't give you a long time-out after that display of contrition.

You had seventeen years of joy with your family, and it ended yesterday. Jonathan and Becca are heartbroken, and so are we. Rest in peace, Falstaff. You were a good dog.
Brad

RavenWaift 16 July 2014 02:10 AM

Brad: My condolences for your loss, and for what Jonathan and Becca are feeling. I am sorry that it happened. Losing a pet is hard, and though I wish I could, I know that there are no words I can say that would not sound trite or cliche, or express the depths of my sympathy.


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