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Sue 15 April 2014 01:04 AM

Stupid questions
 
Quote:

It can be said a million times that it is nobody else's business, but if I were to check into a hotel (a *nice* hotel which does not charge by the hour) with someone half my age, there may very well be looks of derision or even judgmental comments.
http://message.snopes.com/showpost.p...postcount=1026

I think if there is a significant age difference what you are far more likely to encounter (unless you and your friend are necking in public) is that people in hotels and restaurants may assume your date is actually your daughter. If that kind of thing would bother you then I think you are wise to give some serious thought into whether to pursue the relationship.

Quote:

It takes a strong character and a committed relationship to get past that, and I'm wondering if it's better to keep such a relationship under wraps until it gets established.
I don't think though it's a good idea to pursue the relationship but limit where you're prepared to socialize although taking things slow is probably a good idea. I do know if I were in a relationship where someone wasn't prepared to take me out and in essence publically declare that we're a couple I'd be leaving that relationship pretty fast.

lavender blue 15 April 2014 01:15 AM

Chloe, from the previous (now locked) Stupid Questions thread, re: bagels:
Quote:

Hurrah! My ex brought me bagels from NY a couple of months ago, but *didn't have them sliced*.
Just let me know how many, what sort, and where to send them, and I'll get on it as soon as I can.

(Sue, you're too fast for me.)

Chloe 15 April 2014 01:16 AM

I'll be in town for Memorial Day weekend, so if you are too, we could have lunch there instead?

Sue 15 April 2014 01:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lavender blue (Post 1815666)

(Sue, you're too fast for me.)

Sorry! I kept thinking as I typed that someone might have started this thread in the meantime.

lavender blue 15 April 2014 01:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chloe (Post 1815669)
I'll be in town for Memorial Day weekend, so if you are too, we could have lunch there instead?

PMed you, but to summarize: yes, and yes.

Beachlife! 15 April 2014 01:19 AM

I dated someone significantly younger than me for a while.

We found that unless we made an effort to make it look otherwise, people were pretty good on picking up on the cues. Its not that hard and there are obvious tells without public necking; body language is big tell, but so is the content of conversations.

We rarely spent much time in public without disapproving looks.

Hero_Mike 15 April 2014 02:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sue (Post 1815664)
I don't think though it's a good idea to pursue the relationship but limit where you're prepared to socialize although taking things slow is probably a good idea. I do know if I were in a relationship where someone wasn't prepared to take me out and in essence publically declare that we're a couple I'd be leaving that relationship pretty fast.

You make it sound like there's a unilateral declaration here - there are discussions pending and I'm going after a broader opinion. I'm not actually thinking anything like that - that I would say "we can have a relationship but can't be seen in public together", but rather "maybe we shouldn't tell certain people (like mutual friends) about it right away".

Those judgements work both ways - it's not always the older party who is scrutinized for being with someone younger. For every man who might be believed to be hunting for a trophy wife, there's a woman who might be believed to be a gold digger. That doesn't bode well for either party.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Beachlife! (Post 1815672)
We rarely spent much time in public without disapproving looks.

I appreciate your honesty here. Thanks.

Silkenray 15 April 2014 08:53 AM

I think you need to ask yourself what point in the future would be okay to be public about it (weeks, months, years...) and what you think the time hiding the relationship would accomplish? I know I would be much more weirded out finding out that a couple of my friends had been secretly dating for a while but hiding it from everyone, than I would be by there being an age gap.

ganzfeld 15 April 2014 09:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Chloe (Post 1815645)
I'm not blaming anyone: I'm making a recommendation. If gyou do a), b), c) or in fact d-z, people will raise their eyebrows at gyou, and there is nothing gyou can do to prevent that. If gyou truly cannot handle raised eyebrows, gyou should refrain from activities a-z, []

I understand what you are saying and that you aren't blaming. (That's why I said "sounds like".) I don't have any good answer to this conundrum. It's hard for me to see "well, if you can't stand the (undeserved) attention, just don't do that" as a good one.

kitap 15 April 2014 09:37 AM

Hero_Mike I work in a nice hotel. I have checked in lots of couples with very obvious age differences. The only times I remember it getting remarked on was the time the bellman said after the fact that he knew the man and that was definitely not his wife! and a few speculations about the....professions of some of the ladies now and then.

Age discrepancies don't even usually register to be honest. The level of your jerkitoodiness or niceness does.

Mosherette 15 April 2014 10:19 AM

quick wrote in the old thread
Quote:

I've heard 'deep sea diving' used to refer to technical diving, but I think I've heard it more often used as another term for SCUBA diving in general.
Thanks. I think I'll stick to that rule ( :( ). I saw my surgeon last week and she said I can now resume all previous activities but the only things I really shouldn't do are bungee jumping, which I wasn't planning on, and deep sea diving. I would like to have gone SCUBA diving one day but looks like I'll just stick to snorkelling.

rangerdog 15 April 2014 01:04 PM

Hurray for Mosherette!

I gave up SCUBA diving when it became clear that I could never "clear" the pressure in my head and my ears always hurt from several previous ear drum ruptures to the point that is was never any fun. I still love snorkeling and have been lucky enough to do that in the Red Sea, Hawaii, and Florida to name-drop a few places. Enjoy it!

Mosherette 15 April 2014 01:34 PM

Hawai'i is what I was thinking of most. We are planning a trip for my fortieth birthday :D

rangerdog 15 April 2014 05:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mosherette (Post 1815751)
Hawai'i is what I was thinking of most. We are planning a trip for my fortieth birthday :D

Aye but do you want to really wait that long? ;)

Hero_Mike 15 April 2014 05:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Silkenray (Post 1815732)
I think you need to ask yourself what point in the future would be okay to be public about it (weeks, months, years...) and what you think the time hiding the relationship would accomplish? I know I would be much more weirded out finding out that a couple of my friends had been secretly dating for a while but hiding it from everyone, than I would be by there being an age gap.

Maybe weeks - and again, it's more co-workers I'm thinking of than friends or family. If the relationship doesn't work out, one of the reasons why won't be because of pressure from the outside. Maybe I'm paranoid about that. Relationships can sometimes be fragile in their early stage, and it was a rather unpleasant thing years ago for my girlfriend and me, when my circle of friends didn't like her upon meeting her. (It was not their character they objected to - it was something else that I don't choose to share.) The relationship didn't last, but neither did those friendships, however, simply dumping those friends right from the first bad incident, would not have necessarily solved the problem.

Mad Jay 16 April 2014 02:57 AM

Is there a manly way of typing your hair? I've been growing my hair for past 3 months, and it's getting to a point where it can be tied up. My wife has all poofy kind of bands, and the ones that are dark are to big for my hair.

ganzfeld 16 April 2014 03:13 AM

My hair isn't that length now but I would use a hairband or a bandana for casual. For work, I'd prefer to tie it back with a conservative elastic tie (or just put some glop in it)

Beachlife! 16 April 2014 03:22 AM

Agreeing with Ganz. My hair is currently as short as it can be without being bald. I had to hurriedly shave it this morning before visiting a client as my boss would have had an apoplectic fit if I visited a client with my pink Mohawk.

But when I had it long I would use either a simple elastic tie or a bandanna. For work, I usually just left it out because for some reason that was more acceptable than a pony tail.

A Turtle Named Mack 16 April 2014 03:35 AM

A bolo tie might look good and stylish

Latiam 16 April 2014 03:41 AM

Here, the black hair elastics come in two sizes now.


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