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-   -   New Regs Regarding Shipboard Safety (http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=46906)

snopes 11 June 2009 11:43 PM

New Regs Regarding Shipboard Safety
 
Comment:


NAVY SAFETY MESSAGE

011503Z NOVEMBER 03 PSN 740648J31

FM COMNAVSURFORCE SAN DIEGO CA//N001//

TO COMPHIBGRU NAS KEY WEST FL //90//

NAS BRUNSWICK ME//60//

NAS KEFLAVIK IC//70//

NAS KEFLAVIK IC//50//

CINCLANTFLT NORFOLK VA//N11//

CINCPACFLT PEARL HARBOR HI//N1/N21/N11/

ALNAVSURFPAC ALNAVSURFLANT VAIRWARCENWPNDIV PT MUGU CA//311200E/31410E//

NAVORDSAFSECACT INDIAN HEAD MD//N2//

NAVORDSAFSECACT ESSOLANT NORFOLK VA//N712A//

NAMTRAGRU PENSACOLA FL//2206//

USSTRATCOM OFFUTT AFB NE//J416//

BT

UNCLAS

SUBJ/ SAFE WORK PRACTICES IN POTENTIALLY FLAMMABLE ATMOSPHERES//
MSGID/GENADMIN/CNSF/-/MAY// RMKS/

1. A PETTY OFFICER WAS TREATED AT A MILITARY TREATMENT FACILITY (MTF)
AFTER COMPLAINING OF SHORTNESS OF BREATH AFTER WORKING IN AN ENCLOSED
WORKSPACE WITH SEVERAL OTHER PERSONNEL. THE DINING FACILITY HAD SERVED A
MEXICAN MEAL FOR LUNCH, CAUSING SUSPECTED HIGH METHANE AND SULFITE LEVELS
IN THE ATMOSPHERE FROM THE CREW'S FLATULENCE.

2. MANY NAVY PERSONNEL WORK IN FACILITIES AND ON SHIPS WHERE FLATULENCE
MAY EXIST, AND, DUE TO MISSION URGENCY, ARE NOT ABLE TO IMMEDIATELY VACATE
THE SPACE SHOULD THE AIR BECOME FOUL. THIS MISHAP SERVES AS A STRONG
REMINDER THAT THE EXPRESSION OF FLATULENCE CAN BE EXTREMELY DANGEROUS IN
THESE AREAS, UNLESS THEY ARE SPECIFICALLY LISTED AS INTRINSICALLY SAFE.
THE NAVY HAS DEVELOPED THE FOLLOWING SAFE WORK PRACTICE TO ADDRESS THIS
PROBLEM: EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, THE PRACTICE OF EXPELLING FLATULENCE,
COMMONLY REFERRED TO AS "FARTING," "BREAKING WIND," OR "PASSING GAS," IS
PROHIBITED ABOARD ALL NAVAL SHIPS, BOATS, VEHICLES, AIRCRAFT AND SHORE
INSTALLATIONS.

3. THIS REGULATION APPLIES NOT ONLY TO AUDIBLE FLATULENCE, OR INCIDENTS
THAT ARE CLAIMED BY THEIR PERPETRATOR, BUT ALSO TO COVERT EVENTS SUCH AS
"DEADLY WHISPERS," "CHEEK SNEAKERS," "AIR DUSTINGS."

4. UNAUTHORIZED EXPULSION OF FLATULENCE IS TO BE PUNISHED UNDER THE UCMJ.
"HE WHO SMELT IT DEALT IT" IS CONSIDERED SUFFICIENT BASIS FOR PROSECUTION.
"I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS GOING TO STINK" OR "I ATE AT THE GALLEY" IS NOT TO
BE ACCEPTED AS AN EXCUSE FOR FAILURE TO CONTROL ONESELF.

5. COMMANDS ARE INSTRUCTED TO ENSURE KNOWN GAS PRODUCING FOODS ARE AVOIDED
AT THE DINING FACILITIES. MEXICAN THEMED MEALS, NAVY OR BAKED BEANS,
CHILI, CABBAGE AND EGG SALAD ARE NO LONGER AUTHORIZED MENU ITEMS.

6. THE LIGHTING OF FLATULENCE WITH ANY TYPE OF OPEN FLAME IS STILL
PROHIBITED.//

Dondi 12 June 2009 12:08 AM

I'm going to call BS on this. Though there are some legitimately funny safety messages coming from the NSC, I hardly think this message would pass through the message center.

TripleAAA 12 June 2009 01:45 AM

There's too many jokes and "puns" to be real. Besides, I would think they would have constantly circulating air through out the ship, and the air would be cleared too quickly for that to happen.

woodness03 07 August 2009 04:41 PM

Most definitely a joke, but I love the USMTF being used as part of the ploy to make it look real. I hate reading those messages....so hard on the eyes and the brain


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