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-   -   The Land That Made Me Me (http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=29050)

snopes 17 April 2008 06:25 AM

The Land That Made Me Me
 
Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,

For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.

We longed for love and romance, and waited for our Prince,
And Eddie Fisher married Liz, and no one's seen him since.

We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'
And cried for Buddy Holly in the Land That Made Me Me.

Only girls wore earrings then, and 3 was one too many,
And only boys wore flat-top cuts, except for Jean McKinney.

And only in our wildest dreams did we expect to see
A boy named George with Lipstick, in the Land That Made Me Me.

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.

We didn't have a Star Trek Five, or Psycho Two and Three,
Or Rocky-Rambo Twenty in the Land That Made Me Me.

Miss Kitty had a heart of gold, and Chester had a limp,
And Reagan was a Democrat whose co-star was a chimp.

We had a Mr. Wizard, but not a Mr. T ,
And Oprah couldn't talk, yet, in the Land That Made Me Me.

We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.

For youth was still eternal, and life was yet to be,
And Elvis was forever in the Land That Made Me Me.

We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,
And Airplanes weren't named Jefferson, and Zeppelins were not Led.

And Beatles lived in gardens then, and Monkees lived in trees,
Madonna was a virgin in the Land That Made Me Me.

We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed, but they weren't grown in jars.

And pumping iron got wrinkles out, and 'gay' meant fancy-free,
And dorms were never coed in the Land That Made Me Me.

We hadn't seen enough of jets to talk about the lag,
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.

And Hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,
And rocket ships were fiction in the Land That Made Me Me.

Buicks came with portholes, and side shows came with freaks,
And bathing suits came big enough to cover both your cheeks.

And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,
And Castro came to power near the Land That Made Me Me.

We had no Crest with Fluoride, we had no Hill Street Blues,
We had no patterned pantyhose or Lipton herbal tea
Or prime-time ads for condoms in the Land That Made Me Me.

There were no golden arches, no Perrier to chill,
And fish were not called Wanda, and cats were not called Bill.

And middle-aged was 35 and old was forty-three,
And ancient were our parents in the Land That Made Me Me.

But all things have a season, or so we've heard them say,
And now instead of Maybelline we swear by Retin-A.

They send us invitations to join AARP,
We've come a long way, baby, from the Land That Made Me Me.

So now we face a brave new world in slightly larger jeans,
And wonder why they're using smaller print in magazines.

And we tell our children's children of the way it used to be,
Long ago and far away in the Land That Made Me Me.

Gadon 17 April 2008 08:12 AM

Quote:

And Oprah couldn't talk, yet, in the Land That Made Me Me.
Is that cause she was too young to speak or because some ass-clowns would have hooded up and burnt her house down if she had tried?

Hard to say. I guess you can't despise the poem too much. It's not as though this particular one is necessarily stating that those were the "good" old days. It's just a long list of stupid stupid rhymes that are supposed to prove how long the writer has been kicking about.

Gadon,

Ramblin' Dave 17 April 2008 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snopes (Post 581534)
We danced to 'Little Darlin,' and sang to 'Stagger Lee'

"Stagger Lee" is about a real murder back in 1895, so it's not exactly a symbol of innocence - even if kids in 1959 didn't know it was a true story.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snopes (Post 581534)
We had our share of heroes, we never thought they'd go,
At least not Bobby Darin, or Marilyn Monroe.

Actually, Bobby Darin knew from a very young age that he had a serious heart condition and couldn't count on a long lifespan. (He was famously criticized for saying he would be a legend by age 25...rather than the arrogant comment it sounds like, it was a reflection of his belief that he had to be successful by then because he didn't expect to live long past that age.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snopes (Post 581534)
We'd never seen the rock band that was Grateful to be Dead,

The name actually comes from souls who are grateful to have gotten into heaven, not "grateful to be dead".

Quote:

Originally Posted by snopes (Post 581534)
And Coke came just in bottles, and skirts below the knee,

Short skirts were popular a generation earlier, though, in the 1920s.

Quote:

Originally Posted by snopes (Post 581534)
Or prime-time ads for condoms in the Land That Made Me Me.

Is there such a thing now? :confused:


I agree with Gadon, this isn't offensive, just dumb. And occasionally inaccurate.

kitap 17 April 2008 10:51 AM

Quote:

We learned to gut a muffler, we washed our hair at dawn,
We spread our crinolines to dry in circles on the lawn.
Crinolines? Are they reminiscing about the 1860s?

Squirt 17 April 2008 12:25 PM

Quote:

we washed our hair at dawn
Obviously the downfall of civilization began when people started washing their hair in the evening. It's against nature, I tells ya!

ganzfeld 17 April 2008 02:20 PM

We sat at the front of the bus, went to white schools,
And never had to swim with colored people in pools.

... In that wonderful land that made whoever wrote this crap. (I was going to rhyme "fools" but even that seemed superfluous.)

Red Squirrel has Returned 17 April 2008 02:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snopes (Post 581534)
We'd never heard of microwaves, or telephones in cars,
And babies might be bottle-fed, but they weren't grown in jars.

Baby's are still not grown in jars.

Perhaps she's getting mixed up with Kittens ;)

SmallTownKid 17 April 2008 02:45 PM

Quote:

Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,
Oh, dear. Does it say something about me that my initial reaction was "Before Camelot! Damn you're old! ...oh. Not that Camelot."

Quote:

Where navels were for oranges,
People didn't have belly-buttons?! :eek:

Lainie 17 April 2008 03:07 PM

What the hell does "gut a muffler" mean?

ALG 17 April 2008 04:07 PM

Quote:

We fell for Frankie Avalon, Annette was oh, so nice,
And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.
Just twice? Frankie and Annette made the same movie at least four times (Beach Party, Muscle Beach Party, Bikini Beach, Beach Blanket Bingo). Don't let the slight alterations in title fool you Glurge Writer - all the same flick.

High Eight 17 April 2008 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lainie (Post 581805)
What the hell does "gut a muffler" mean?

Probably a euphemism for some horrible perversion.

Ramblin' Dave 17 April 2008 04:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ganzfeld (Post 581750)
We sat at the front of the bus, went to white schools,
And never had to swim with colored people in pools.

... In that wonderful land that made whoever wrote this crap. (I was going to rhyme "fools" but even that seemed superfluous.)

To be fair, it never quite veers into "life was a whole lot better then" territory (with the unfortunate exception of the line about the meaning of "gay," admittedly). It does always sound like that's around the corner, but it mostly sticks with what was different, without necessarily saying it was better.

snopes 17 April 2008 05:29 PM

Quote:

And when they made a movie, they never made it twice.
Yeah, Frankenstein, Bride of Frankenstein, Son of Frankenstein, The Ghost of Frankenstein, House of Frankenstein, et al were all completely different movies. Any similiarities to previous films were purely coincidental.

- snopes

Lainie 17 April 2008 05:49 PM

And High Society (1956) wasn't a remake of the The Philadelphia Story (1940), and Imitation of Life (1959) wasn't a remake of Imitation of Life (1934).

Simply Madeline 17 April 2008 06:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lainie (Post 581995)
And High Society (1956) wasn't a remake of the The Philadelphia Story (1940), and Imitation of Life (1959) wasn't a remake of Imitation of Life (1934).

Speaking of The Philadelphia Story, Cary Grant uses the word "gay" to mean "homosexual" in that movie, so it didn't just mean "fancy-free".

ETA: After posting, I realised that the movie I was thinking of was Bringing Up Baby. Which was even earlier than 1940.

Lancastrian 17 April 2008 07:01 PM

Bah, I was hoping this would be a bizarre glurge about the making of MeMe Roth. :p

Natalie 18 April 2008 12:09 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snopes (Post 581534)
And microchips were what was left at the bottom of the bag.

And Hardware was a box of nails, and bytes came from a flea,

What? Computers didn't exit 50 years ago? I'm a stupid young person and I thought the Macbook had sprung fully formed from Zeus' brow.

Nonny Mouse 18 April 2008 12:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Natalie (Post 582516)
What? Computers didn't exit 50 years ago? I'm a stupid young person and I thought the Macbook had sprung fully formed from Zeus' brow.


Computers, yes, microchips, no.

Nonny

Natalie 18 April 2008 12:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nonny Mouse (Post 582518)
Computers, yes, microchips, no.

Nonny

I was being sarcastic - I'm aware that the computer itself was invented earlier. Given their mention of hardware and bytes, though, I think the message they're trying to get across is "hey kids, did you know personal computers didn't exit in the 50s?"

DawnStorm 18 April 2008 02:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by snopes (Post 581534)
Long ago and far away, in a land that time forgot,
Before the days of Dylan, or the dawn of Camelot.
There lived a race of innocents, and they were you and me,

For Ike was in the White House in that land where we were born,
Where navels were for oranges, and Peyton Place was porn.

.


I wasn't born until 1964. The things you mention were a bit before my time, but I do know the song Little Darlin', courtesy of oldies stations.


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