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-   -   Brother's Facebook revenge on sister (http://message.snopes.com/showthread.php?t=55499)

Magdalene 06 January 2010 02:42 PM

Brother's Facebook revenge on sister
 
Quote:

I’ve been laughing for the past 3 minutes about this. SoJones family, if your sibling gets on your very last nerve and you have some juicy blackmail material on them, what do you do?
http://www.sojones.com/news/1636-fac...her-vs-sister/

Amigone201 06 January 2010 03:11 PM

I don't know if it's real or not, but it definitely is awful. On both sides.

I remember commenting on it before when a friend of mine posted it. He thought the brother was awesome; I thought (and still think) the brother and sister were two equally despicable, disturbed individuals. I'm not thrilled about the three months' grounding, either (especially considering he hasn't seemed to learn a damn thing from it). Maybe the whole family could stand some counseling.

And on a different topic, how does Sojones figure "Brother 1, Sister, 0?" Shouldn't it be Brother 1, Sister 1?" I mean, she did, after all, get him grounded for 3 months.

mags 06 January 2010 03:19 PM

I dunno, I don't really see many teenage girls who would either write down such a list, or leave it anywhere it could be found if she had. A girl who would actually be so crass as to make such a checklist I doubt would cross a guy off of it for merely kissing.

eta: Oh, I think I misunderstood that, she crossed off the one guy with a NVM! next to it, meaning most likely "nevermind, I don't like him enough to do anything with him."

Ryda Wong, EBfCo. 06 January 2010 03:22 PM

There is a HUGE difference between a sister reporting something illegal to her parents and the brother being a slut-shaming little ******bag.

Jahungo 06 January 2010 03:33 PM

It's definitely a dick move on his part. But what obligation does he have not to be a dick to someone who was already a dick to him?

Amigone201 06 January 2010 03:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo. (Post 1126984)
There is a HUGE difference between a sister reporting something illegal to her parents and the brother being a slut-shaming little ******bag.

Wait, this is directed to me, right?

What he did was FAR worse than what she did. I know it's not a cool or popular opinion, but I really have to wonder how someone thinks he has any moral high ground after being ratted out, when he really is guilty of whatever he's been ratted out for. Then he goes and takes it a step FURTHER by posting it on Facebook and THEN he tags everybody in it, just to twist the screw and make sure everybody who can find out, finds out and names names.

Now, we can debate the merits of what the sister did, but it's entirely separate and unrelated to what the brother did back. Let's assume just for a second he didn't take any revenge at all, and was just miffed that he got caught with beer. A lot of people would say "Well, yeah, he had beer, but she's a narc!" Except that...he had beer. They're entirely separate. Should she have told? I dunno, we'll deal with that later. But he's not innocent, and he's not absolved from breaking the law just because he got ratted on.

Ryda Wong, EBfCo. 06 January 2010 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jahungo (Post 1127000)
It's definitely a dick move on his part. But what obligation does he have not to be a dick to someone who was already a dick to him?

There are levels of dickishness. To go from a rather mild transgression that might have even been undertaken with some concern for the individual's welfare in mind to a grandiose and public slut shaming is transcending many degrees of dickishness.

Amigone201 06 January 2010 03:40 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jahungo (Post 1127000)
It's definitely a dick move on his part. But what obligation does he have not to be a dick to someone who was already a dick to him?

How was she being a dick? He was doing something illegal in his house, which is also her house. Are cops being a dick when they arrest you for doing something illegal?

I guess there are ways it could be dickish. If she were concerned for his health, safety, or his criminal record, and she told, that wouldn't be dickish. If she were afraid of having this go on in her house and affecting her, that wouldn't be dickish. And if she were afraid because her parents imposed some (stupid) rule that they each have to rat on each other or they're in trouble, that wouldn't be dickish either. And considering the parents grounded him for 3 months over beer, I wouldn't put it past 'em, but then, I'm just assuming.

But it's also possible that she told on him because she thinks it would be funny if he got in trouble. THAT would be dickish. He'd still be guilty, and he'd still deserve punishment, but then, I'd be a lot less sympathetic to her.

However, in no universe would she deserve what she got. Breaking the law and being a "slut" are two completely different things, and neither one deserves to be handled the way they were handled here. She probably deserves some therapy, but their parents sound like psychotics, so I'm not surprised the kids are messed up.

And Ryda, before you say anything, yes, I'm sure that were the genders reversed, he'd never have gotten a slut-shaming, nor would such a thing even probably be possible. And yes, that infuriates me, too.

Amigone201 06 January 2010 03:43 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo. (Post 1127006)
Then I'm at a loss as to why you think they're both equally despicable, disturbed individuals.

Yeah, I changed my mind. What the boy did is definitely worse.

But I think it's likely that she didn't rat on him out of concern so much as a desire to see him get punished. And if that's the case, they all could use a little group therapy.

Troodon 06 January 2010 03:45 PM

Putting the list on the internet where everyone will be able to see it forever is going too far; it's one thing to shame someone in front of her schoolmates, but this might follow the guy's sister for a very long time. Besides, it would have been smarter to use it as blackmail material before she ever got him grounded, along the lines of "Guess what I found in your room? I've got it hidden somewhere you will never find it, and if you ever do anything I don't like, it goes online."

Edit: I think that someone who helps enforce a bad rule is a jerk, even if it's a cop "doing his job". Maybe the guy with the beer has a drinking problem and his sister was intervening for his own good, but I doubt it, and I think its silly that older high school students can't legally drink beer.

Amigone201 06 January 2010 03:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Troodon (Post 1127024)
Putting it on the internet where everyone will be able to see it forever is going too far; it's one thing to shame someone in front of her schoolmates, but this might follow the guy's sister for a very long time. Besides, it would have been smarter to use it as blackmail material before she ever got him grounded, along the lines of "Guess what I found in your room? I've got it hidden somewhere you will never find it, and if you ever do anything I don't like, it goes online."

How is that "smarter?" That's not smarter, that's twisted. In fact, the whole thing is pretty sick, and what you're proposing is sick. Being in a family isn't about gaining the upper hand over someone else or playing Machiavelli. It's about learning to respect each other and coexist peacefully. It's about learning problem-solving and maturity.

Both what you're suggesting and what he did are just going to make things worse.

Wouldn't you rather they treat each other with respect and love than live in an ever-present atmosphere of fear, mistrust, betrayal, and scheming?

Banrion 06 January 2010 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mags (Post 1126981)
I dunno, I don't really see many teenage girls who would either write down such a list, or leave it anywhere it could be found if she had. A girl who would actually be so crass as to make such a checklist I doubt would cross a guy off of it for merely kissing.

eta: Oh, I think I misunderstood that, she crossed off the one guy with a NVM! next to it, meaning most likely "nevermind, I don't like him enough to do anything with him."

This type of list was a common slumber party game we would play in middle school/high school. Write down a bunch of guys you were crushing on and how far you would go. Then we would discuss amongst ourselves. The comments like "if he cuts his hair then I would do x" look to me to be the result of the discussions with friends, and maybe even the "NVM" depending on what came up in discussion. Did any of us take it seriously? Not so much. Would it have been possible that my brother may have found such a piece of paper in my room at some point and time? Absolutely. Heck he probably would have been able to find a whole stack of 'em written by the 10 people at the slumber party, probably with the writer's name on it too, until I got around to throwing them out on trash day.

Simply Madeline 06 January 2010 03:53 PM

I don't think this is real, but if it were, I would think the brother was a flaming asshole.

Ryda Wong, EBfCo. 06 January 2010 04:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amigone201 (Post 1127021)
But I think it's likely that she didn't rat on him out of concern so much as a desire to see him get punished. And if that's the case, they all could use a little group therapy.

Oh, agreed. But from my own experience, children born to "strict" parents are sorta raised to play off one another. If the parents are punishing/angry at one child, you are far less likely to be singled out for punishment/anger.

Amigone201 06 January 2010 04:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo. (Post 1127046)
Oh, agreed. But from my own experience, children born to "strict" parents are sorta raised to play off one another. If the parents are punishing/angry at one child, you are far less likely to be singled out for punishment/anger.

It's so sad. You're probably right, though. Parents think clamping down hard will keep kids from being able to get into trouble, but that's not the way to do it. You have to make them understand WHY something is wrong, and "because I'll punish you if you do" isn't the answer.

When I have kids, I plan to do do lots of talking about right and wrong, empathy, and the Golden Rule, as soon as they're old enough to understand. It's not enough just that they fear the consequence of doing wrong, it's much better if they simply don't want to hurt someone else.

Jahungo 06 January 2010 04:07 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Amigone201 (Post 1127014)
How was she being a dick? He was doing something illegal in his house, which is also her house. Are cops being a dick when they arrest you for doing something illegal?

I guess there are ways it could be dickish. If she were concerned for his health, safety, or his criminal record, and she told, that wouldn't be dickish. If she were afraid of having this go on in her house and affecting her, that wouldn't be dickish. And if she were afraid because her parents imposed some (stupid) rule that they each have to rat on each other or they're in trouble, that wouldn't be dickish either. And considering the parents grounded him for 3 months over beer, I wouldn't put it past 'em, but then, I'm just assuming.

But it's also possible that she told on him because she thinks it would be funny if he got in trouble. THAT would be dickish. He'd still be guilty, and he'd still deserve punishment, but then, I'd be a lot less sympathetic to her.

If she was concerned for him in some way, she should have gone to him first and expressed that concern, not going straight to the parents that she must have known would have got him in serious trouble. (I think it's very unlikely she did this - if she did, he would have probably taken steps to prevent being found out).

And it's nothing like the police - it's their job to enforce the law. It's not hers.

ETA: And his reaction was, no doubt, over the top.

Amigone201 06 January 2010 04:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jahungo (Post 1127060)
If she was concerned for him in some way, she should have gone to him first and expressed that concern, not going straight to the parents that she must have known would have got him in serious trouble. (I think it's very unlikely she did this - if she did, he would have probably taken steps to prevent being found out).

Like what? The beer was already in his room; where else could he put it? We don't know that she didn't go to him first, although I can't imagine he would have listened.

But I think we all agree the likelihood is that she was simply trying to be awful to him. It probably wasn't the first time either and he's probably no nicer to her.

Quote:

And it's nothing like the police - it's their job to enforce the law. It's not hers.
I don't like this argument. It's not wrong to do something just because it isn't your responsibility. And does this only apply to people who know each other? If I saw a crime in progress downtown, should I report it or would that be dickish?

And who knows--in her house, it may have been each of their responsibility to rat the other out. Or she might be trying to deflect heat, as Ryda pointed out. In which case, everybody's wrong.

Also, let me reiterate: Just because she did something wrong doesn't mean he's off the hook. We can judge them independently.

DesertRat 06 January 2010 04:32 PM

[assumption that this is real, not faked]

While I can understand the brother's frustration at being dimed out, his response was horribly disproportionate and way out if line. That kind of thing can follow her forever.

That being said--and yes, I'm honestly ashamed of myself for this--I still laughed pretty hard when I read it. Which kind of bothers me.

Nick Theodorakis 06 January 2010 04:32 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ryda Wong, EBfCo. (Post 1126984)
There is a HUGE difference between a sister reporting something illegal to her parents and the brother being a slut-shaming little ******bag.

What state did this occur in? Underage possession or drinking of alcohol has varying degrees of legality with exceptions (if any) that different in each state. (see here). Many states have no exception; some allow parental consent (obviously moot in this case), whereas California appears to allow underage possession of alcohol on private location (excluding motor vehicles).

Nick

Magdalene 06 January 2010 04:36 PM

Wow, I just posted wondering if anybody knew this to be true or not, I wasn't expecting this sort of heat! :lol:

My two cents:

1.) I'm not sure how the girl's list was 'superbad'--as one Snopester already posted, this was a common thing at slumber parties, and quite frankly, grown women still have fantasies, and I think most of us if pressed, would admit we have a list of men and things we fantasize about doing with them. Though I do doubt most of us keep it as a 'scavenger hunt' thing, where we're actually going to do them.

2.) Even the most loving of siblings are going to snitch on each other for no other reason than to snitch. I'm willing to bet a lot of the Snopesters here who are parents hear the immortal words, "I'm telling!" at some point during their kids' young lives, and they have to balance the "Don't be a tattletale" vs. "S/he did WHAT?" from there. It's entirely possible that the sister knew about the beer, was keeping quiet, and maybe her brother was being a jerk, so she figured, "I'll show *you*." Which is a good lesson in If You're Doing Something Wrong, Don't Tick Off The Sibs Or They'll Tell Just To Get Even.

3.) There is the "You Went Way Too Far" thing. Telling your parents that your underage brother is sneaking beer and getting him grounded: Normal. Branding your sister as a slut on the internet for the whole word to see: Going too far.

Magdalene


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